Help part 2

After I picked up my clothes, I saw him at my door. I saw that his car never left. When I opened my door, he was right there. The first thing I wanted to do was hug him but I was so scared that he was going to hurt me again. I was so scared of losing my power. I was so scared of showing him my tears. I was so scared of losing him at the same time, I was scared of losing myself, so I said nothing… I sat in my bed as he was telling me, You’re really going to end this over that here. Look at my phone. I told him obviously" you’re showing me now you went inside the car to erase everything.'' He said That’s it we’re done I told him that I ended it the first time he was in here he again told me you’re really going to just end this like this I said yes please leave. After he left I cried for hours I cry so hard that I thought my eyes were going to fall off i’ve never known pain like this or felt like my whole heart left my body I put so much on myself into another person that when they walked away A part of me was walking away too but I couldn’t say that I couldn’t move something inside of me told me that this was my person but also another part told me that this isn’t the life I want to live The paranoid life that I don’t know what you’re doing behind my back life that how can we pretend to be a family how can I treat your daughter like my own how can I treat your family like my own and you always treat me like I’m last. That same year in March I suffered a miscarriage and that was the most heartbroken I’ve ever been in my life I lost a baby that I didn’t even know I had and I don’t even get a choice to have or not. He was there for me through the process. After I told them what happened. He was very affectionate, loving, understanding, and was helping me with the healing process. Our relationship was so good but I had to leave for myself I left to my country for about two weeks or a week and a half I came back on his birthday things felt different and felt cold after i came back and then we went on a trip to Vegas and that trip was so heartbreaking. We felt like he wasn’t there with me I felt like I was doing this trip by myself we didn’t take any photos together we had no memories together after being together for so long and going through so much together me forgiving so much and putting up with so much and loving this person with my whole heart it felt empty I felt like I wasn’t getting what I was putting but I stuck by it I did I didn’t give up because I love him so much and in my mind After going through so much with someone all the trauma all the pain how can you give up. we can do it there’s always going to be a better tomorrow together month pass things happened September came and like I already told you guys we broke up and that happened. A week after we broke up his parents asked me if I could take care of his younger siblings because they didn’t trust him or his brother to take care of them it was only for a day I was only supposed to go feed them so I go I feed them. We see each other. It’s very awkward, very weird. He’s smiling and acting like nothing happened was like he didn’t feel no emotion whatsoever about me not being in his life. His third older brother's girlfriend told me that a week before that he was making out with the girl at the club so five days after we broke up he was already making out with someone at the club. That broke me I confronted him about it face-to-face. He didn’t even want to look at me in the eyes. He was pretending to be asleep I left I blocked him I didn’t want anything to do with him whatsoever, because how could you do that while I’m over here hurting while I’m over here in pain while I’m over here remembering everything we live together, his over there acting like I never existed. Time passes he keep messaging me. He’s telling me that that’s just how he copes and he just didn’t know what to do he hasn’t been single for so long before we started dating. He was only single for less than mine month after his baby mama so he’s been in a relationship since he was 21 now he’s 25 and he doesn’t know how to do it he doesn’t know what to do but he loves me so much but he needs to figure it out on his own because he was too dependent on me. Because I helped it through everything, I was his go to person for anything and everything and he wasn’t lying. We had more than a relationship. We were best friends so I’m like whatever, then figure yourself out. But every two weeks he would hit me up he would tell me he can’t do it and he loves me that he misses me and he wouldn’t just let me go he never let me move on he never let me go that continue on till December in December, I told him that I needed to move on with my life because I can’t just be on hold for him I cannot be on reserve until he figures it out until he goes around dates everybody and then decides that he wants to be with me well that’s going on he keeps saying he wants to marry me he loves me on the one he wants a family with the one that he wants to end up with but he’s so stupid and he’s always fucking up that he has this need for validation attention from women that he doesn’t even know where it’s coming from but he cannot control. I told him his actions hurt me and that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep hurting myself just because I love him.