moving on after rape

i was raped 5 days ago. i don’t know how to move on. i know time helps. but this is really hard. i physically and mentally feel different. i can’t even look at myself in the mirror. i don’t like touching my body. i just feel the furthest from okay.

i’m a waitress so i have to have my “server face” on which is really hard right now but it’s a good distraction especially since being still and alone is killing me at the moment. however, i just got a job at twin peaks. i have to do my training and look all pretty and polished. and i have to be perky.

i just want to be okay. i wanna go back and prevent it from happening. it’s changed everything.

i need to know what to do. how do i help myself? how can i forget about it besides pills and alcohol? my room is a mess, my car is a mess, my face is a mess because i’m not doing my skincare, i’ve been eating like shit. i have no desire to help myself. i just sleep as much as possible so i don’t have to think. i feel like he took the life from me. i just want to wither away.