I want to give up but I’m holding on for my kids

This is long, so please bare with me. My husband has been so awful. I’ve been with him every step of the way and I feel like I’m completely losing myself. I know for a fact I am.

Everything was good with our marriage. One day he was his job told him he was going to get hired on the next morning, he was so happy! The next morning came and they laid him off.

I remember him FaceTiming me crying because I was newly pregnant and he was wondering how we were gonna do it.

Fast forward to his friend saying he should join the store business life. He talked it over with me and I said go for it if it was going to help our family, but please don’t make it a family thing. (Meaning his mom, dad and brothers)

His mom did not believe in him AT all! I was 8 months pregnant helping move fridges and build shelves while she messaged him, “you sure there’s gonna be ppl” you know, all the above to discourage him

It got so pack. He told me to stay home and just bake and sell stuff there to earn money. His mom got word at how busy it has been. She quit her job so she can work at the store and she bakes the stuff I did and sells the stuff I did.

This has been going on for about 4 years. I’ve been telling my husband how betrayed and hurt I was by that. I’m your wife, but you’re supporting your mom.

He pays for all her bills, furnishes her home, buys her everything she wants and needs, while I’m last in line. I’ve been begging him for a bed frame, just so he can help him self into buying his mom a whole new bed? It makes me feel like she’s the ‘other woman’ in a way.

We have 3 kids now. He has 2 businesses and now he’s wanting to buy houses to flip for profit. He told me he was going to. Probably so his mom can have that share, too. But he told me he was. He didn’t ask what I thought or anything. What happen to him? Greed at its finest!

I remember us fishing, going out to eat, shopping, etc— just enjoying life.

Now it’s about stores and how much money he and his mom can get.

He bought us a house and said it will be his moms one day. Not our kids, but his moms. It has 5 acres and his mom will be planting stuff to sell and having chickens on our land. No discussion with me.

His mom.

Y’all, this woman is awful. She tells her sons, “I brought you into this world I can take you out” and “y’all made me suffer, now it’s your turn” and so much more. We have a language barrier, but my SIL hears what she tells him. Oh, and “remember our plan”

What does she mean “our plan” ? Like really? She’s a grown woman with a ‘husband’ but has to munch off of her son. I’m literally so miserable and my husband doesn’t see it.

I don’t like being around that woman. I’ve been trying to potty train my 2 year old son and she’s making it so much hard on me! She always makes stuff hard on me… she said, “if he’s ever at my house, I don’t have time to potty train him” because she’s too busy making the stuff I use to make for extra money she doesn’t need.

I’m so over this marriage though. I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I’m so tired of my heart aching. I’m so tired of being lost in my own thoughts. My husband is so lost and can’t be found right now.

All he sees is the dollar signs that he doesn’t see how his mom is to him or how he is to me. He pretty much neglected me and our kids emotionally and physically in a way. Every time he’s with the kids, he’s on his phone. He’s never really helped me out with our baby.

He’s always ‘too busy’ for us and gets mad like heated if he’s late to the store because of our kids even though he has workers.

His mom has to be calling/texting him 24/7. Y’all, his mom runs this store. He did all this for her. He makes me feel so unworthy all the time, like I’m so undeserving. He tells me all the time how he helps church’s and he’s good with the Lord but I need to read my bible when I tell him about our problems.

I’ve been going to church a lot more and praying about our marriage, I know I’m not the problem.

I’ve been having nonstop panic attacks and I’m always in my head that I can’t focus. He literally ruin me! I just want my family back!!

Also, he goes to church, but he has to go to a Spanish church (per his mom) he has to send pictures to her so she knows he’s in church.

He’s literally almost 30 and we have 3 kids! It’s all about her and he wonders why I resent her! I’m starting to resent him too!

I don’t cook much anymore because he always made fun of my food. Why you do this? Just add water or eggs. I don’t eat eggs all the time like he does. I wasn’t raised eating just eggs every day. Or when I make soup he asks why I put tomato juice instead of just water. He criticizes my cooking…. And than asks why I don’t cook for the kids, why it’s just him that cooks…

Another big thing. He messed up their sleeping schedule, and I’m so ashamed! They go to bed around 2 in the morning and I told him it needs to change and he won’t let me. He told me not to put them in bed around 8-9 pm because they will wake up around 5 am. That they need to go to bed late to get up around 8-9 am. And gets on to me, calling me lazy for sleeping until 1 pm.

I just feel awful. I’m trying but I want to give up so bad! Like it’s not worth it! He mistreats me all the time and I feel like I can’t escape!

I tell him how I feel just for him to call me lazy, over reacting, ‘you have a house what more do you want’ etc.

I just want to feel like a mom and a wife. That’s all! And not to have panic attacks all the time will be nice. But he only cares about his mom and not me..

When I was in labor his mom had to make it about herself saying her belly hurts. She’s literally 15 years older than my husband but she’s broken lol. And when I tell my husband I don’t feel good it’s always, “you got this”

Oh another thing… (sorry) he told me he was going to be taking his mom, brothers, his dad, his co worker, his mom and dad to get their pass port and it rubs the wrong way. Like it’s 9 hours away. He’s gonna probably pay for all that. They won’t pay for gas, his time and probably the passports

It’s in the same state as my grandpa and I got happy for a second thinking he’ll take me to see my grandpa… nope, 🥺 it’s always about his other family and not us… anyone else think that’s wrong..: he’s going on a long trip just to take care of them.. and didn’t even ask me about it. He told me!

One more thing…. My 4 year old is starting to be so rude and misbehave. I think he has ADHD too. I get on to him but my husband tells me I need to get a belt or use a cable and spank him. That’s what his mom did to him and his brother. I don’t want to do that with my kids!!!!

His mom use to tie them up to each other when they got in trouble. I think she’s getting in his head big time…

I got on to my husband one day. He brought my son to her house… my SIL was there and told me everything that happen. He was just being a kid and was jumping. My husband mom didn’t like it and a belt and spanked him! My SIL told me and I told my husband and he told his mom I didn’t like that and now she says, “I can’t even spank my own grandkid… I can’t even discipline my own grandkid…” she’s all butt hurt i don’t want her abusing my kids. And ny husband was there at her house!!! And he’s on her side… there is no boundaries in our marriage or with our kids. I make boundaries and that happens

She thinks she should be in charge of them or something idk it’s weird…

My husband came home with chicks the other day and I don’t know if they are ours or hers. And it hurts, honestly. Why do I feel like she’s wanting to take over our marriage and my Journey with motherhood?

I love my kids so much but I don’t feel like I’m worthy of their love. I know that sounds funny but it’s the truth. Everything he’s suppose to be building for us is for her. He’s building her up not us. What’s the point 😭😭😭😭