Help/Advice- Relationship

Hello there

I am so sorry for this post but I just feel like I need to vent.

I am so so upset and in tears writing this.

I have just recently met this lovely guy. Before I actually kinda ghosted him cause I thought he was a f*****boy. That was the vibe I got from looking at him but he’s actually not like that at all… I genuinely wronged him so bad..

We have been in contact loads especially last week where we were on FaceTime all the time and we organised a date for last Friday: we were both so excited and he even said it because we get on so well. I genuinely had the best date of my entire life. We had so much fun and got on so well. The chemistry was actually off the rictor scales. We stayed out until 3am and I didn’t want the night to end at all. I accidentally bumped into his sister and he wasn’t even embarassed to be seen on a date he introduced me as his hot date ahhhh. Then we had arranged to potentially meet 2 days later but very unplanned we actually met the following day and spent the whole day together - it was honestly so wholesome! We did have the chat about where we see things going and he said that he wouldn’t go off on dates or kids other girls I said the same. I was actually really happy with this as I was starting to fall for him so bad: he went out that night and I stayed in but we weren’t in contact much. I’d rather him enjoy time with his friends but he was sending me Snapchat’s but his face wasn’t in them like usual but then I just kind of left it at that.. the next day he kinda semi ghosted me,, he knows how anxious ghosting makes me… we had some few words over the day but tbh he was hungover and chilling with friends. Plus I was super busy! I then went out that night but at the start I really didn’t want to because I had asked him was everything imagine cause I got weird vibes, I had major anxiety and he finally replied and said yes that it was etc so I went out then and enjoyed my night. A lot of lads were trying to kiss me in the club but I said no to all of them. I was drunk and texting the guy and I said to him did he miss someone and he said no and I said ok I won’t either.. he said I didn’t but you can if you want (aka me) I was like oh god he act doesn’t want to try anything with me omg and I felt it in my stomach… he didn’t reply then and I got so upset and was drunk and sent him messages. I thought he would genuinely not want to see ne the next day as planned but he said he wanted to… I was delighted and was so excited to see him again. I went to his house and we had such a nice evening we chilled and got some food, had a cuddle and watched movie: then I asked him and said sorry for the meltdown I had a shit few days with other stuff,. I said do you wanna try things and like are we exclusive etc and he kinda got a bit freaked out - he said like it’s such early days and this is intense to be asking. Then I got semi upset and realised I had brought it up the wrong way. Then he said he felt stressed and I just reassured him that I wanted to take things super slow but I just wanna know his intentions like he wanted to know mine beforehand. Then things got awkward I said will I go home and he said no. He said he still felt stressed so we just cuddled and let’s just say then we kiss and made up in a few ways (tmi sorry) and it was so so so so intensely good he said the same! We then went and got food, it was getting late and we were both cranky and tired, he went to get work stuff ready and had a shower and then I just hugged him really quick and he was nearly falling asleep so was I .. when I was leaving I said it again I am so sorry for making things awkward I really wanna take things slow and he said but I can’t remember what he said but he just kt kissed me lots and said goodnight.. I got into my car and felt so overwhelmed.. I went home And text him that I was home etc but got no reply … also haven’t heard anything from him this morning and he’s been online now his job is really busy today but I think he doesn’t want anything? I sent him a nice text saying Ithanks fkr last night and I’m sorry again and wanna take things slow. Hope work is ok etc … he hasn’t replied and been online really brief. I know he’s busy at work. Im just sitting here so anxiously waiting for him to say no I don’t think can do it