Is this wrong of him to do? Please read body of post before answering the poll!

Question

I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to do something this Summer, and he said he thought it was a good idea. We talked about the details off and on for a couple of weeks, while I was reaching out to companies and such to get more information about the cost, which dates would be available and so forth. It took a while to get all the information I needed, but then my boyfriend started saying stuff like how I went behind his back and started planning stuff and how he didn’t want to do it. He lead me to believe he was interested, he even acted excited about it and we discussed it multiple times. I kind of feel like this is a form of gaslighting…I was excited and looking forward to this, but now I’m sad and I don’t even want to do anything at all anymore..

Answer

Who said no? Lol. This IS a form of gaslighting. And yes, I believe it’s wrong. If he changed his mind, he should have communicated with you, and explained his reasonings, instead of making it out to be that he wasn’t interested in the first place, and accuse you of going behind his back making plans, when all you did was get information to move forward with potential plans, plans that he said were “a great idea”. You said you were in communication with him in the midst of getting all the info about what y’all are planning to do, and were discussing it off and on during this time, so I’m not sure why he thinks you went behind his back..

Answer

He seems to be turning a miscommunication into an extreme reaction. You were proactive and did some research. That doesnt mean you 'went behind his back'. If he wanted to be the one doing the planning, he should have communicated that. And after you did it, he could have said hey Im a little hurt that you started planning without me, I think we should do that together, and then you can say ok fine and you can proceed to plan together. But to call the whole thing off? If he shows signs of being controlling in other ways, or this is reflective of his conflict resolution, it's a red flag.

Answer

I clicked no but I meant yes.

Answer

Yes I think it is like gaslighting. If he was upset and said I wanted to be more involved in the planning process that's one thing. But to accuse you of going behind his back as if he said no to a trip or something on the past is gaslighting. 
Ask him, if he wants to have more input in the trip or does he just not want to take one at all.

Answer

You were just looking for information 
I wish my boyfriend would do that for me 🤣 I have to look for and plan everything 
You didn’t even not book or confirm  anything nothing set in stone, so he is wrong to behave like  that! Sounds like he doesn’t want to go anymore and is trying to cause a stir to get out of it! And make it look like  it’s your fault so essentially he is gaslighting you! It’s not a reason for him to get upset over I’m sorry girl

Answer

I wouldn’t cancel the plans just because he doesn’t want to go now. I’d tell him “Look, we discussed this. At the time you acted like you wanted to do it but now you don’t and that’s fine but don’t tell me we didn’t have whole conversations about it”. Come on girl, you wasn’t talking to yourself were you?  I’d tell him I’m still going.

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I think for big trips or shouldn't just be about you planning I believe all people involved should have say and to

Answer

Girl schedule a trip for yourself and go ALONE. You deserve a nice summer trip.

Answer

Could he have been “more involved” in the planning for a big trip? Sure. Is his reaction wrong? Absolutely, and his lack of involvement does not justify it. It’s sounds like he wanted to be fully in control of things, and instead of viewing your actions as proactive, he decided to flip things and gaslight you. He actively chose to be offended here, and he’s 100% wrong for behaving this way.

Answer

Huh?? Well obviously there was a communication problem somewhere, but even if you didn’t ask him about it beforehand I don’t see what his problem is. It’s not something to “go behind your back” about looking into costs for a trip

Is this wrong of him to do? Please read body of post before answering the poll!

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