I'm feeling so deflated that it will ever happen for us. It took us 10 months to concieve our beautiful baby boy, we were soo happy, but sadly he fell asleep at 40 + 3 weeks and he was born sleeping. I miss him every second of the day. We have been trying again for the past 10 months, I had a chemical in Novemeber. I know 10 months isn't that long really but after the loss of our boy we are so desperate and so ready to be parents of a living child. We could never replace our boy, nor are we trying to but I can't help that feel it's not going to happen for us. I just know it's my fault because I'm am struggaling with stress, and I am trying my very best to calm down but it's just so hard 🥺. On top of this I own a restaurant where babies and pregnant women are constantly coming in, I know it's not their fault but it's just being thrown in my face all the time 🥺. One of my best friends is also pregnant and we are both surposed to be bridesmaids at our other bestfriends wedding very soon and it's breaking my already broken heart I can't be her bridesmaid anymore, I can't get ready and walk down the Isle with my pregnant friend it would be too hard, knowing that my little boy should be there in a little matching suit to his daddie. I can't be apart of my own bestfriends wedding that I was soo looking forward to 🥺, I will be sat at the back of the church trying my best not to cry. I miss my friend too, I love her so much but I can't be around her, it's just stresses me out even more and then I know I really never will get pregnant (because she is such a good friend she understands this) but it still hurts. I should have my little boy in my arms and his little brother or sister on the way in my tummy but I have neither. I feel so empty.

I don't really know the point of this post, I think just writing it down might help. . .