Hi everyone..

Today I come on here with a heavy heart and I'm not sure where and how to start about this 😢

I apologize as it's going to be a bit long this message.

So my partner and I have been through so much together and been together for 12yrs this yr. It's a very very long time.

He does make me happy and also makes me very proud of certain things he does but he also makes me feel very heartbroken and useless / worthless at times aswel 💔

We moved to a different country and now been here for 3yrs. He did mention that he wants to go back home to friends and family as he is now tired and just wants to be back home.

I'm very happy about it because honestly I am not happy where I am as the treatment I get is very bad compare to how they treat him.

I cannot do this any longer where I'm not happy and feel so alone. 😕

Now he mentioned to me he doesn't want to go back home and that he wants to stay here where he knows he is safe and has a good job. After he lied to me, family and friends by saying he (we) are coming home for good.

I told him id like to start my own little resin business and would like to try and see how it goes. He has no faith in it but says what happens when I don't make a success of it. All I can do and try and see. I'm not cheating on him or anything bad but this makes me feel like I can't do anything right. I'm always honest with him but he can't be with me.

Question I have is WHAT is keeping him here that he quickly changed his mind about.

I had a feeling to look on his phone and i saw that He has been talking to someone but I can't make out who it is because I see that messages are being deleted so I can't see what they talk about. (I was told I must not go onto his phone but we've been together for so long that now he changed his pin / pattern on his phone and carries his phone with him everywhere) this is a bad sign but I want to know what's happening.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect but I always say that no matter how hard it is to say the truth just be honest.

There are so many things that can and can't be true I just don't know anymore. 💔 😢

For me to be honest here where I hope I don't get judged or get any bad hurtful comments 💔 😔

I can't get pregnant and that makes me feel that this is 1 of the things his trying to get away from. It hurts so bad that I feel it's not meant for me or I don't deserve it 😪

I also feel that he doesn't know how to get rid of me if you put it that way because of what his doing like talking to other women and deleting the chats between them. His patience is really cold towards me and if nothing goes his way there is shit!

Our plan was to go home like he told everyone, make something happen together at home, get married and him supporting me at a Dr to find out what can be wrong with me as I can't get pregnant and that my periods are very heavy and extremely painful.

I feel he doesn't know how to tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I spoke to him and said he must be honest and his response was "ill just do and go where you want to go and do" I'm not forcing him or threatening him. I was simply just asking. So it makes me feel like this and I don't know how to handle it because it's hurting really bad and I feel like shit crying alot 😢

We have a little doggie together and if he decides to tell me what he wants (if he wants me to leave) I'm taking my doggie with me. His not taking her after all this if he tells me what he wants. Because shit like this hurts deep!!

I told him that love is communication, honesty, understanding and respect but he couldn't look me in the eye when I spoke to him.

I feel his not wanting me in his life and trying to let me see that so he can have this girl his talking to or whoever it is because his been on chatsites before. And making me look like the bad one in this relationship.

Am I being to rude and forcing him or do I have a right to be sad about this and ask for his communication with me?

Please no need for bad hurtful judgemental comments 😢 I'm human just like everyone who has no one to talk to about this.