POCD and having baby #2 *TW*

When I was younger, my older brother took advantage of me, multiple times. It was something that I never talked about and kept to myself until my daughter was born. A week after she made her arrival, I started having the worst intrusive thoughts about SA. Thoughts like “Could I do this to her” These thoughts lasted a year on and off until they got so bad I couldn’t even stand to be around her and I was afraid to change her diaper. I decided to reach out for help when I almost killed myself, I knew my daughter needed me. I ended up going to therapy and she said it was most likely linked to unhealed trauma..my therapist worked with me and she did a damn good job. I love my daughter so much and we have a bond so great. Life was starting to feel normal again. It’s been 2 years since then and I recently found out my partner and I are expecting after trying for two months. I thought I was ready, I really did but I’m starting to wonder if I made the right choice? I don’t know if it’s the hormones but I’m terrified of having another baby. Im mainly scared to have a boy. All I can think about is the situation with my brother. I’m scared I’ll be shoved down the hole I fought so hard to get out of. I keep telling myself I pushed through once, I can do it again but I’m scared it will get so bad to the point I want to kill myself again.