Need Advice For.. My Mother In Law

I’ve been married for 4 years now and have really only had a handful of conversations with my mother in law. I really honestly wish that it could’ve been more, but unfortunately she like to the call family out here to “get the scoop” on what goes on out here, and my husband’s aunts and cousins love to dish on how I’m still a SAHM. Every single one of his 15 cousins, aunts and uncles hate that I’m a SAHM. They think it’s lazy, irresponsible, and completely stupid of me to pass up extra money and be in a different financial position. Really the only thing that sparks them joy is seeing money and living lavishly BEYOND their means. I say this bc they also complain about the debt their in and how their impulse buys fire back on them. (Nothing of investment just material wise- cars, clothes, purses, phones.) Fast forward, they all tell my mother in law and his sisters (whom also want no contact with me despite various efforts) all because they came to believe what they’ve been told and can’t believe what a huge “sin” I’ve committed in the MUTUAL agreement to be a SAHM.

My husband and her talk on the phone frequently and I can’t stand her voice. She talks super fast and high pitched and honestly sometimes I don’t think it’s even that. It’s how little she’s interested in her grandsons and myself. He literally told her I was sick and she says “oh she must have bad blood.” And changes the subject right away. 90% of the phone calls are about her farm, her neighbors and her ex husband. I literally cannot exaggerate that. I feel really hurt and resentful bc her and the family’s comments of me over the years has really distanced me. Despite my attempts I will never be enough unless it’s money. My personality and friendliness means nothing. His sisters never even took the chance with me bc of those comments. They all swear I live off my husband when they don’t know how I limit myself to extremes to avoid any of that. I even gave my husband all the birthday money I received so he can send her something bc she also calls him for money. She has no idea of that and even if she did it makes no difference. I spoke with her a couple of times over the phone and she’s super sarcastic. I called her beautiful and she says “thanks for saying that. I know you only say it bc my son looks me and your married him.” In a super annoyed tone. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried and tried to win myself into inclusion but despite even KNOWING it’s mutual between my husband and I, they still hate on me. My husband has told his mom how and why this is and they just don’t want to hear it. I literally even opened up to all his cousins at the table and his aunt to explain as to WHY I personally cannot feel comfortable with my children being with a babysitter. I’ve had countless babysitters. Since 4 years old to 12 years old and I lost count. They’d starve us, curse at us, lock us up in a room and not feed us. My own family is in the list and they’d have sex in front of us. My own grandma fed me “Raid Poison” with my dinner and grabbed my tounge with a knife in the other hand saying she’d cut off my tounge (I was 7). I’ve been molested and far more things to list. I cried at the table opening up such a traumatic experience, but it made no change to the form of seeing as to why I don’t work. My husband himself, completely aside from what he knows of me, he loves coming home and finding my son with me and in my care. I love being a SAHM not because it alleviates my past but bc I personally just love being with my children, they’re my pride and joy. I explained all of this and it still was cut short for them.

The reason I can’t stand her is bc my husband literally was furious one phone call explaining this topic AGAIN and she says she understands. She had NO idea we were on our way to his aunts house. As we arrive, his mother calls his aunt and starts talking about us. Literally RIGHT AFTER hearing her only son furious, she calls her to share the tea.

She has not interest in us despite our efforts. Hearing her voice and her conversations sound ridiculous to me bc it’s all about everything but “how are you son?” Without really listening to how he is.

What should I do ?