Am I a bad mom?

So, according to the app I’m 6w5d today. I haven’t been in for my first appointment yet, and I won’t be going in until May 16th. I had a loss last year in May (kinda makes me nervous to be pregnant at the same exact time again this year). With my last pregnancy I had such bad morning sickness, I was literally throwing my soul up every 5-10mins throughout the day. It was bad. So, I would smoke a little bit to help with that, to give myself a couple hour break from throwing up during the day. That pregnancy sadly ended in a missed miscarriage.

This time around, I swore up and down to myself that I would not smoke. Not at all…. But I’ve found myself taking a little hit here and there if I start to feel like I’m stressing too much, I’ll take a little hit…. I have so much anxiety and worry that this baby isn’t going to make it either and I try to keep myself calm, but I can’t always do it on my own, so I smoke a little bit to calm my anxiety a little bit so I don’t cause myself to miscarry due to stressing too much. Sometimes I feel so bloated that I wanna eat but I don’t want to because I feel so full (bloated) it makes me feel almost nauseous. But I have to eat something. So, I’ve taken a small hit here and there to help me eat as well… I plan on stopping with weed completely once I get closer to the second trimester and it’s easier to eat and I’m not stressing as much…. But am I over doing it? Does this make me a bad mom? Will this seriously effect my child? Should I stop taking those little hits here and there and just try to soldier through this?

I don’t want to hurt my baby or accidentally cause a loss….