Is pregnancy depression a thing?

I’m 9w3d and this pregnancy is a miracle as we were told we needed IVF and we’re about to start it and this happened. At first I was scared but happy. We’ve had multiple losses and an ectopic etc. and so there is trauma around pregnancy.

Now I find myself feeling unsure about being pregnant and about having a baby. Before I was sure. Now I just feel detached. I want to be alone for the most part. I have an 11 year old and love them so very much and love our relationship, but know a new baby will change the dynamics and now I’m terrified about that. Before I remember saying “love only grows” but now I feel like I won’t love this new baby the same. I feel terrible and guilt and shame thinking this way because this pregnancy is still high risk due to my age and history.

I swear I am not a monster of a human. I just don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling this way.