I’ve posted many times about my toxic relationship but i need to get this out

I was a senior in HS (18F) when I met my ex boyfriend. He was 23 at the time. He was my first boyfriend and I came from a very abusive household. I fell in love with him and gave him my ALL. I treated him so good. I cooked, cleaned, was so loyal, etc. He cheated through social media on me. He talked to over 10 different woman in some sort. He would compliment them and try having conversations. I got pregnant 2 years into our relationship. He put me through HELL during my pregnancy. He would talk to other woman, let his mom disrespect me (they would tag team and both of them would disrespect me), he would punch walls, leave and come back late at night, not text me back, etc. I was put on bed rest and he would make me carry water jugs upstairs, groceries, laundry. I was also paying half of everything and I was getting paid $96 a week of disability. I was left with nothing in the end.

Fast forward to being in labor. He went on a work business trip 10 hours away and I went into a labor. Well him and his coworkers decided to go to Hooters on their way to the hospital. He came in that room bragging and showing off that he went there. It was the funniest thing to him. I was 8 months PP and was extremely self conscious of myself bc I looked different. I would cry to him about it and at the same time he was complimenting another girl on her makeup and wanted to meet up to take pictures of her. I caught him and he straight up lied to my face and deleted their convo. The girl later on told me everything. He would lie, every chance he got. Even if I was straight up crying to him about something he did to me. He would hide things from me to his mom. It was pretty bad

I recently broke up with him because I feel small, worthless, ugly, and with no ounce of love in my body. I’m pretty much only here because I have an amazing child that keeps me going. How can I recover from this? I am currently waiting to get financially stable to leave and take my child with me so we can coparent. His biggest question to me is “Well if you knew this was going on, why did you stay with me so long?” He also said he thought he was in love with me. I AM SO BROKEN! Any advice or answers to why I went through this would help. Thank you for reading this far.