Needing a boost of love today or maybe some tough love.. I'm not sure. I need to vent I know that. It's prolly gonna be a long one.

I'm 8 months pregnant with my 2nd but our 3rd child. We have everything I could ask for, bought our new home & have been here about 7 months. We have 2 working vehicles, we both have jobs & the bills are paid. We are making it & I am so proud of us.

Lately, I feel so unappreciated though. I feel like we have gotten so caught up in the daily grind & taking care of kids that we don't really care for each other like we should. I do try! At the end of the day I am so incredibly touched out, dead tired & ready for bed. He on the other hand doesn't get tired until late. We don't often sleep in the same bed because he is up playing video games or watching basketball late. I don't mind this one bit. His best friend comes over at least 2-3 times a week & stays hours or all day. I really don't mind that either, except that I get stuck cleaning up after them. Then he plans things with his work friends & disappears for hours, which I do mind because I feel like I also deserve a break. Only thing is if he offers me a break it's at 9pm at night or 8am on a sunday & I am utterly exhausted from being up since 6am with the kids & working. His work schedule is odd to say the least so it's not entirely his fault but boy does it not feel any better.

I do try to care for him as much as possible, I let him sleep in when I can & make breakfast. I cook dinners & dessert & take the kids so he can have time with his boys. When it comes to me though, I don't get much in return. He is a good man, I swear by it. I just don't know how to get him to see that I feel like I am dying on the inside because I NEVER have any alone time or any time with just him to be honest.

I don't have a support system, my parents & siblings abandoned me because I chose to be with a black man & have mixed children. I live in a very racist area & I was given an ultimatum when they found out I was pregnant with my first.. have an abortion & leave him or I would be banished from my family. Obviously, I chose him & my daughter. Most of my friends disappeared after I had her, they either aren't parents or seemed to just never have time for us any more.

When I talk to him about my feelings he gets quite upset & says he feels the same way.. when there is no way he truly could. He can give our kids to his mom any time he wants (she & I don't have that type of relationship) to get whatever time away he needs. He takes advantage of it quite often & goes to play basketball with his friends. If we do talk about things, he says I am nagging him or coming for him, when I'm truly not trying to.. I just need a break & I am usually at my wits end when the time to talk comes about.

I left today for about an hour out of nowhere and cried in a parking lot because the thought of giving up even more of myself when our new baby gets here in a few weeks has me so depressed & ready to snap. The one person I have spoken to about this has pretty much told me that I am overreacting & that my life is great & I should be grateful because I am so blessed.. I am grateful! I am truly so grateful. I love my partner, I love my kids, I love nearly everything in my life.. but I don't feel loved & I just don't know what to do.