Open Letter to Myself

Here we are at the point that you have been preparing yourself for, for years. I know it's funny or ironic that the only thing you aren't scared of is being ready for your family to grow. In fact, if there is anything in the world you felt you born to do, it's being a mom and a wife. You are getting married in less than two months. You just started trying to conceive with someone you thought was way out of your league. Things are looking up for you.

So I bet you're wondering why you still can feel so sad or disconnected. I'm here to remind you that even if you had everything in the world, you have the right to have a bad day. Just don't let the bad day turn into a bad week, month, year.

You will keep surviving the bad.

You survived an inappropriate relationship with your teacher in 5th grade.

You survived being forced to show what was under your shirt to your brothers friends.

You survived being abandoned by not one dad, but two.

You survived the bulimia you suffered from all the times your dad said you sounded like an elephant coming down the stairs.

You survived getting pregnant at 20 and having the father get his friends to harass you until you moved to a different state.

Whatever the conflict was, you survived it. So when you question how in the world you got so lucky as to be with a man you couldn't even dream of being with, don't. Instead, drink in all the moments with him. When you wonder where your daughter got her grace and humbleness, don't. Instead, take moments every day to show her how much you love her.

When you feel like you are heading for another depression spell, don't use it as an excuse to give up. Instead, use it as an opportunity to recognize you deserve self care and let the people around you help you through it.

And, now, when you wonder if you are worthy of being a mother again - don't. Instead, spend every day being grateful for the family you started and continue to grow. This journey to conceive may not be easy but it will absolutely be worth it. Use your experiences to shape this new child into someone the world is better for having. Use this journey to fall even deeper in love with both your fiance and with yourself.

You are loved.

You are safe.

You've got this.

xoxo

Bre