Lie to my mom or stand up to her and risk losing relationship?

Question

I’d like to start off by saying I am 30 lol I lie to my mom/don’t tell her things a lot because when I was being honest with her we would just fight a ton and I hated being around her. She’s pretty old school and conservative and while I’m actually pretty tame, she thinks I’m insane. I already don’t spend much time with her as it is so I choose to lie to her to avoid fights with her when we are together. This works fine but it does make me feel like a bad daughter. 
Anyway, my sister is the complete opposite and tells my mom everything including what I tell her. If I don’t specifically say “don’t tell mom” I already know my mom knows. The difference is also my sister is an angel, she doesn’t drink, go out and all she does is stay home with her cats. 
I’m currently traveling in Mexico as I work fully remote (where I am from and Spanish being my first language) and was staying with family but will be making a layover in Mexico City that I’m taking advantage of and staying for 2 days by myself. Mind you I spent a good amount of my childhood I. Mexico City. I understand there is danger in Mexico but there is danger everywhere and I am going to be smart and do what I can do stay safe. I am not the only girl in Mexico walking around alone, I’m not special. 
My sister told my mom and my mom is freaking out and basically asked someone she knows to chaperone my and not let me do anything. To avoid a fight over the phone and choose pease I said fine even though I know that’s not going to happen. Should I lie to my mom about my plans and just tell her I plan to stay in a hotel and not leave or tell her that I’m not going to listen to her and she needs to let me be an adult. I already know this is going to make her cry and her tell my that I don’t love her and that she failed me as a mom and she’s sorry that I have her as a mother 🙄🙄🙄🙄. 
Maybe I’ll just continue lying in order to even have a relationship with my mom
EDIT: My chaperone is an man in his 60’s I’ve never met lol I’m in a relationship with a guy my mom really likes lol

Answer

You are THIRTY YEARS OLD. Stop lying and start acting like a grown ass woman. Tell your mom NO. You stop the insanity. You set boundaries.

Answer

I'd say lying is acceptable with someone you can't trust to handle the truth & have good boundaries.

Answer

Your mom sounds annoying af. You’re a grown adult you shouldn’t have to worry about her telling you what to do and stuff. Just tell her you’re an adult if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to talk to you.

Answer

It kind of sounds like a lot of this is cultural along with your mom gaslighting you. Gaslighters and people who constantly play the victim are never going to handle boundaries well. That's a them problem, not a you problem. 
I get why lying has been working for you, and how it can temporarily keep the peace. I've always found lying exhausting and not worth it. I think this comes more down to what you value: peace between the both of you, or honesty with conflict. I think if you kept consistently setting boundaries with her it would eventually get easier for you and she might take it better. But you know her and your situation best. Good luck with everything!

Answer

You sound like me lol. I’m in my 30s and can definitely relate to this. However, I’m the only child. So, things I do don’t necessarily get back to her very quickly or if at all.
Anyways. Do you! If your sister is going to be a little tattle-tale, mommies good girl, gossip queen…I wouldn’t share specific things with her if all she does is run to mommy. Just…yuck. You’re very much an adult and I would live your life. At the same time, I do think it’s important to let someone that you know and trust of your travel arrangements and dates. A coworker, best friend, a neighbor.
I also think you should talk with your mom about boundaries. You should really share with her that her hovering/satellite parenting can do some rather permanent damage to your relationship. And it builds up unnecessary resentment. I went to see a counselor about this issue with my mother and it helped tremendously to get an outsiders perspective on being the daughter and seeing it from a mothers eyes. Sometimes conversations aren’t worth it for the sake of an argument breaking out. I was an avoider and would keep to myself and tell white lies here and there to keep the peace. My mom likes to go off the deep end and throw the past in my face and talk about herself…a lot! I have learned to redirect or ignore those comments and route out conversation back to what we were talking about to begin with. Talking with a professional was the best thing I have ever done for myself and for our relationship.

Answer

I think the better option is to set appropriate boundaries with your mom. “Mom, I’m an adult and I will use my own best judgement. Trust that you raised me to make good decisions, and let me live my life or you won’t be part of it any longer.” She doesn’t need to know all of your business, but lying to her sounds very childish. You can’t act like a teenager then expect her to suddenly treat you like an adult.

Answer

It’s a hard decision to take. If I were you I would lie my ass off for this trip. You gotta enjoy you. Having a 60 yr old chaperone was not in your plans at all. I would definitely have a talk to her once you get back though. Letting her know you appreciate all she has done for you as a mom and parent but can’t helicopter into your life like that anymore. For god’s sake YOUR 30! Trust me I know how Latina moms can be. Creating respectful boundaries is what a healthy mother and daughter relationship is all about.

Lie to my mom or stand up to her and risk losing relationship?

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