Where do i go from here? I want to die

Question

Im 23. I have a 2 year old. Hes everything. His dad was always a liar and cheater. Calls me out of my name every time i see him. Got into a great relationship or so i thought. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. 3 days after his birthday. I was planning to move in now i have no where to go. Im in between jobs. Little education. Im helpless. I have nothing. Im tired of starting over in life and it turns out the same. And i get abandoned everytime when someone chooses to love me and i love them back. I still love him. We didnt say a proper goodbye. But he wants nothing to do with me im sure. I hate my skinny bony body. I havent eaten in 2 days and have no desire to. I feel like shit and want to isolate. I miss him and there will be no other man i meet like him. Whats the point of going on if i will never find that love again. Isnt love what people live for. I feel numb. Have felt numb since he yelled and said were ending things and walked out the door right after. Im crying now, and havent cried deeply since it happened. Maybe i should turn into an alcoholic like he was, you dont have to feel anything

Answer

I know you said you have a two-year-old, his government assistance and an option? Because you have a child you are entitled to everything under the sun, section 8 or transitional housing, WIC, food stamps, TANF which is temporary assistance for needy families, free or reduced lunch for children of school-age, SSI, Medicaid for insurance, state funded daycare, financial aid if you want to go to college, Catholic charities is great for Energy Assistance and rental assistance, mental therapy, because you clearly sound like you need some counseling, churches are also great, they usually have a food pantry, you probably can find some babysitters there, not to mention a lot of the members of the church usually have furniture or things they are no longer using like baby items, clothing, sometimes they can even cook some meals for you, you also can get mental therapy, whatever you can’t find there, Goodwill or Facebook marketplace. You figure it out. You focus on your child, you focus on figuring out a game plan. Contact welfare, Obama cell phone, if you don’t have a vehicle get on the list at Salvation Army, you figure out resources rather than thinking about suicide, you put yourself and your child first, you forget about relationships from now, and you focus on yourself your well-being and your mental health. If you feel that you actually are going to commit suicide, then you go check yourself in at a hospital, give your child over to the father or to family or to the state, for adoption or drop them off at a fire house or a police station, the point of life is to find your purpose, and I’m pretty sure it’s not to be focusing on men and thinking about suicide. The point of life is to get back to the community, is to give back to others, it’s to find a reason that you are here. Volunteering is like a makeover for your soul, it changes your perspective on life, and make sure problem is not seem so big, it makes you not focus on yourself but instead focus on others, it makes you grateful that you don’t have to deal with what they have to deal with, and so much more. Exercise and listening to your favorite music does wonders for the mind. Your body releases hormones and endorphins and serotonin and dopamine and it takes you to a different place and you listen to favorite music you want to get up and dance, it’s like a natural anti-depressant, if you are truly lonely, you have your child, volunteer at a pet rescue shelter, babysit, take your child to the park to play with other children, get out of the house and take a five minute walk outside in the sun, it will wake up your body, the vitamin D will make you feel better, let that be your escape from reality, stop thinking about someone who’s not thinking about you. You focus on yourself you focus on bettering your life, you figure out a game plan. You keep moving forward, if you can’t do it for yourself and you do it for your child. Things ended, fine, keep moving forward. You also have to remember that when you make a man the air that you breathe, and don’t have a life of your own, you crumble like a tin can when things don’t work out, that’s why you need to have a balance, you need to have a life of your own, and you also have to remember that when your self-esteem and your self-worth and your confidence is low, you attract crap because you don’t want to be alone and you settle for whatever crap will have you. And they know this and they take advantage of it and they miss treat you and they use you and they cheat on you etc. and you stay because you don’t want to be alone. On the contrary you tell them to kiss your ass, that’s what you should be doing. Keeping yourself busy, focusing on bettering your life and bettering your child’s life, taking classes for CNA or something. Finishing your high school if you didn’t do that, they have free GED programs at most community colleges or check with your local library and they can probably guide you where you can get it. Even though you don’t have money you still can do things with your child, reach out to your neighbors, friends and family, see if somebody can help you out, babysit your child so you can look out for these resources and figure out a game plan, you pull yourself together for the sake of your child, forget the jack ass, he’s not worth it, stop thinking about what could’ve been and what I should’ve done differently or what he was in the beginning because he’s not that person anymore he’s a jack ass he was at the end all along you just didn’t see it because you were so strung out on this guy. He dismissed and disregarded all of the red flags because you didn’t want to be alone. And because you tolerated the behavior, it became acceptable behavior, and that’s why they do it over and over again because you allow it and you tolerate it. Stop tolerating bullshit and stop allowing them to treat you poorly. They look for women that they can control and take it vantage of an use. Don’t be that person. I want you to do an exercise for me I want you to either on your phone or take a piece of paper I don’t want you to make a list and draw a line down the middle. On the left side you were going to write down all the mean things that you say about yourself using I am statements. I am ugly, I am stupid, I am worthless, whatever he told you or your mother told you or whoever told you that you’ve got all these things in your head. And then on the other side I want you to write the opposite with a positive statement using I am phrases I am smart, I am beautiful, I am worth it. Etc. and then I want you to repeat those phrases with convection like a daily affirmation. The point of the exercises to get the mean girl out of your head, the next thing I want you to work on is something called a pattern interrupt. You’re trying to reset the pathways of your neural pathways in your mind that you break the cycle of toxicity. It’s called the stop at method when you hear an intrusive thought, when you think poorly about yourself, when you feel or think anything negative, you say stop it whatever your name is either out loud or to yourself. They say that you’re supposed to treat others how you want to be treated, with love and respect, we need to give ourselves that same love and respect that we give to other people. We need to stop saying things to ourselves that we would never say to another person. Work on yourself inside and out, realize that you deserve better, you deserve happiness, you deserve love, you deserve appreciation, etc. stop settling for the crap because you don’t want to be alone. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent because you allow it, you give them the control over your emotions, you give them the control and the power to make you feel that way, instead of telling them to kiss your ass. You set boundaries and you don’t allow those people in your life. You don’t tolerate bullshit. You deserve happiness, you deserve love, and if you are not receiving that in the area that you are, then you remove yourself from that. Life is what you make it, if you’re not happy, you change what you can, and what you can’t change, you learn to love, except, and embrace yourself flaws and all. You also have to remember that a relationship or a man or the size of your pants or anything else does not complete you or defying you as a person, you complete yourself and when you are a whole person who has healed inside and out, that is when you are ready for a new relationship not depending on anyone for your happiness or for your well-being or anything else, but being on your own and figuring it out on your own. You are a mother, you show that child how you do it. You make your child proud of you. A man does not complete you, you complete yourself. You will continue to be toxic to everyone around you until you fix your self. You will sabotage relationships with insecurities and doubts and trust issues and commitment issues and everything else until you figure it out yourself. You forgive yourself for the choices and decisions that you have made in life. And you forgive others who have hurt you, but forgiveness isn’t for them it is for you. You don’t forgive them to their face, you forgive them to yourself. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace within and they are no longer going to be the reason for your unhappiness. You stop giving them the power and control to control your emotions and to make you feel bad. You takeoff the backpack and stop carrying the boulders that you have carried all this time because they no longer serve you you like go of the past you’ve let that shit go and you keep moving forward. Love yourself, date yourself, pamper yourself, you don’t need a man to do that you don’t need a man to go to the movies, you don’t need a man to go out to dinner, you could do that on your own as well, you can do anything on your own because the only one that limits you is your self and happiness is outside your comfort zone doing things that make you uncomfortable, they are the right thing for you to do. Taking a step of faith outside your comfort zone and trying something new, not some thing reckless, but something new that benefits your life. Nothing is going to fall at your feet, you’re gonna have to go out there and try things. You’ve got this, pull yourself together, you can do anything you put your mind to.￼

Answer

Stop. Cry. Breathe. Formulate a game plan. moving forward only take help from permanent people. Make sure you land yourself in a place that won't be impacted by your relationship. Look into online classes and scholarships. Show your child that starting over can be done. Know that this too shall pass & you will be okay with time. I'm sorry you are going through this trial in your life. I'm sure you're a great person who's just really going through a hard time right now. Please know that you don't have to do this alone. See a counselor.

Answer

You have your child to love and live for, he relies on you to live. No one else is worth your love more than your little one. You’re still young, there are always a chance to stand on your feet again, and am sure you’ll find someone who will deserve you!

Answer

You’re not helpless. Get a job, get on assistance, get child support and get your life together. 
Yes it hurts but it’s not the end of the world and he isn’t the only thing to live for. There are a bazillion reasons for living. He ain’t it. Yourself and child are though. 
Once you’re standing on you’re own two feet, have gotten therapy to find your worth and are in a good place love will happen.

Answer

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Honestly I'd speak to a therapist to work through you're emotions. I'd also speak to a housing charity about your options on that side, maybe sign up to job sites that can help you find something flexible to work around your child. Education doesn't mean anything I know someone who left school with no qualifications and is doing really we for herself now. If you have any family or friends you trust I would speak to them too, especially with how you are feeling. 💜

Answer

Get help. Seek counselling and lean on friends and family. Your child needs you. You don’t need to depend on any man. Dust yourself off and do what you need to do to provide for you and that child. You’ve got this!

Where do i go from here? I want to die

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