Please. No rude or negative comments here. I don't need them. I can be hard enough on myself thanks.

Anyway, have you ever had the image of what your "perfect/ideal" family would look like? And then it turns out to not happen? Growing up I always saw myself having 2 boys and 1 girl. In that order. There were occasions though where I wanted 2 boys and 2 girls. But nonetheless, I've always wanted 2 boys at least. My first was a girl and it took some time to get used to. But of course we became very excited and love her immensely. Our second was a boy. I was elated. They have such a good bond and I love being a mom of both. I'm pregnant with our 3rd and had such a strong feeling and hope it would be my 2nd boy. To my surprise, it's a girl! It's taken a much longer time to come around to getting excited but she has a name and I've been going shopping with my mom for stuff for her which is slowly helping. We always talked about being done at 3, but I can't help but find myself wanting a 4th. A chance to have a 2nd boy. 2 boys and 2 girls like when I was little. I've always wanted a bigger family as I'm an only child and my husband has an older brother who may never have kids. So we always wanted more than 2. I feel bad (and weird and judged) for thinking of 4th while pregnant with my 3rd. Am I the only one? Has anyone else determined their family size based on baby? I know my friend who has 3 said if her last was a boy she was done trying for a girl, but she got her girl. I feel like I'm in the opposite boat of "okay so now I have 2 girls so I want to try again for my 2nd boy". I think I'm just venting. Or hoping I'm not the only one who has gone through this. Hoping I don't sound like an awful person cause I feel like it. I know this baby will be so loved. And my husband said he has no issue seeing how things go after she's here before making our decision about trying again. But what worries me is I think my heart already made its decision...