Having hard time connecting with new pregnancy

After two losses this last year in pregnant again. I'm about 5-6 weeks, I'm having a really hard time being excited or anything other than anxious/disconnected from this pregnancy. My HCG is great at 15000, I have an ultrasound tomorrow and I'm just dreading it. I feel alone and hopeless. I want a baby so bad and I went into this thinking everyday is a blessing. Everyday without bleeding means baby is healthy until proven otherwise. But now the days my boobs don't hurt, I'm not gagging on food, I don't feel pregnant, I can't help but obsess over the what ifs and fears. Yet again my body failed me, yet again I'm not going to have a baby, yet again I have to deal with the grief. I'm really struggling, I want to enjoy my pregnancy but I feel like that's impossible now. Hopefully tomorrow will give me a little more to hold on to.