Afraid of myself

Thinking of suicide on the daily basis. I am sick and tired of this life. I feel so miserable everyday, I didn't choose this life i have and it's not fair. I had a terrible childhood and as an adult, sh*t that is out of my control keeps happening. I am tired of feeling unhappy. I know my kids need me but when I'm feeling overwhelmed and I am in my deep thoughts, it's like at the moment nothing else matters. I just want to end this suffering. I can't take this anymore. Why am I struggling so much😭😭😭 I worked so hard my entire life to get no where. I don't see any happiness in the near future no matter how much I try. I literally have no time to seek professional help.