Ok I need to vent and is this normal (please be honest!).

My son is 3.5 (closer to 4 actually he will be 4 in November). He is generally a sweet and well behaved boy. He will help me do chores, tell me to hold his hand when we cross the street, etc. However, he can be SO defiant when he is those few times. The times he does act out, he literally will NOT listen and scream and cry. For example, he will climb up the pantry in our kitchen and I tell him to get down. He won’t do it after I tell him multiple times. So I pull him down and he throws a fit and gets SO mad! He climbs up again 🤦🏻‍♀️. He also used to be an amazing sleeper and now it’s a struggle to get him to stay in bed or take a nap. I even lay down in bed with him and he still tries to sneak out (mind you, this goes on past 10pm sometimes...).

He is also not fully potty trained. He absolutely knows how to. But he still has accidents. I have done everything to train him, include using my $300 bonus at work to pay for a potty training class. That didn’t even work. Because of this, he can’t move up to the next class at preschool and one of his previous teachers who sees him a lot says he’s acting out and probably bored in class because he is so smart to begin with already.

Is it normal for a 3.5 year old to be like this? I thought kids got better behaved after age 2? My sons random defiant episodes honestly makes me not want to take him anywhere because I don’t know when he’s gonna act out and throw a fit.

He has already been tested for autism and he doesn’t have it. I just don’t know what to do now and is this normal?