Just venting again 💔

I'm sorry, but I just feel better venting here than to anyone or any place else. I thought I was getting better over my recent break up. I know why it comes and goes. I often break the no contact rule. It's just so hard because I really do feel that he is a better man than he demonstrates. I guess I just don't want to be wrong about him. I'm just sad and afraid that my son might never meet his father. Not because I wouldn't allow him too of course. Ugh he is such a good dad to his children from a previous relationship. I just don't know where things went wrong. When everything changed. Maybe they were always bad and I was too blind to see it. Love, life, and loss they all suck. 💔