I feel like a horrible mom

I made a post yesterday because I was feeling sad how everyone says my son is unlikable. He comes off as very rude. Like I mention before in that post we lived in New York and in New York you have to be able to hold your own and defend yourself. We were also living with my abusive ex boyfriend. My son is so used to holding his guard up that he comes off as extremely confrontational and unintentionally picks a fight because he assumes they were trying to pick a fight when they weren't. I stayed in that abusive relationship for 4 years. My sons dad was in a different state and had a cancer. He left me as his beneficiary and when he died and I got the money my boyfriend blew through most of it accept what I managed to stash away and that's what we used to move to Missouri. We are broke and I feel like such a bad mom that I can't even afford therapy for my son. The last beating from Mt boyfriend he beat me and my son stood in front of me so he started beating him and my knocked one of his teeth out and even though my son had a bloody mouth he still stood up and spit on my boyfriend and every time my boyfriend hit him my son still stood back up... that's the type of person he is which lead I'm to being extremely closed off. Which is fault. He should have never been in a situation where he always had to keep his guard up. He had to at school to because he was bullied. I'm worried he won't make friends here because he already got into it with a kid at a school supplies even over a chair. As usual my son got defensive and started a fight where their didn't need to be one.... I just want him to be happy. Last night is the very few nights I see him vulnerable because he doesn't even let his guard down for me most of the time and I'm his mother. He came into my room and it was around 2am and asked to watch a movie which is code for "I had a bad dream and I'm scared to sleep alone". We watched a movie and we cuddled in bed and fell asleep and the next morning he told me to pretend that didn't happen. He doesn't even like saying I love you. He's told me I love you a total of maybe 5x in his teen years and he always make a weirded out face when he says it. I wish things weren't like this but it's all my fault. I'm worried he will always stay like this throughout life and won't be able to have friends or a relationship because he's closed off emotionally and comes off as mean and unlikable.

I can't afford therapy. Every bit of money went into moving to Missouri away from my ex... But I could try medicaid. Just don't know much about it.

@Jennifer First off don't you ever call my son my ex boyfriend. Hes not like him. he's not starting physical fights. More so he's being confrontational. The situation with the chair was he sat in a chair and someone else was gonna sit there and he immediately got defensive and about it even though he didn't need to which lead to a verbal altercation. What I kean by he unintentionally starts fights is he gets defensive and rude when he doesn't need to be because he automatically assumes they're trying to fight with him. He's not copying my exists behavior. My ex is just violent. And you're the second person to say I'm making excuses for him when I'm not. I'm explaining what's going on with him

@Jennifer him getting defensive isn't copying my ex's behavior. My ex was violent. My son isn't. My ex beat us for no reason. My son assumes everyone is out to get him. There's a HUGE difference so I would appreciate it if you would stop acting like he's some abuser. Also explaining the reason behind why he acts this way isn't making an excuse. Making an excuse is me saying "Oh he does that so I'm not gonna punish him". That's making an excuse. I just don't let him do whatever and no consequences.