How do you deal with it?

Question

Whenever my husband gets stressed out he gets mean and anything sets him off. I always do the laundry and I have to find his shirts because he just throws them wherever. So I grab a shirt that was hanging up for him to wear today but I didn’t know the stains ( all his shirts has bleach stains ) were bad so he gets angry which is understandable because he has to go to work but then he starts saying I don’t deserve to be done like shit every day of my life and that he’s gonna call my mom and have her take me back ( we’ve been married for 3yrs now and I’m pregnant with the 6 kid) then he went on about he doesn’t dress like me ( a slob ) but I wear comfy clothes I’m a SAHM I have no one to hang out with and I’m with the kids 24/7 I’m not gonna get dressed to sit at home and get peed and puked on 🤷🏽‍♀️ but long story I apologized  and then he apologized I know he has explosive anger most times but damn does he know how to make me feel like a total waste of space
@maire I never put bleach in the wash he did it him self when his stomach rubs up against what he’s cleaning or messing with or he’ll wipe his hands on his shirt

Answer

He needs to deal with it, not you. He needs therapy and perhaps medication.

Answer

What you allow is what will continue. Stop doing his laundry & laying his clothes out wtf. Lol I do this for my young kids (8 & 6), my oldest is 11 & she's been doing it herself for a few years. He's a grown man. He can figure it out. Having angry outbursts like that isn't normal though, i simply wouldn't deal with it at all. He needs therapy.

Answer

I don’t deal with it. I put my foot down when my husband gets an attitude with me and I’d never be digging around helping him dress himself either. He’s a grown man and you need to stop babying him or he’ll continue to take advantage of your kindness. He can look for his own shirt by himself.

Answer

He’s the one who needs to deal with his own mental health and emotional outbursts. It’s not normal to feel like you’re being done wrong every day of your life because you see a bleach stain on a shirt. Of course it’s normal to feel frustrated or annoyed (those would be the proper emotions for this situation, anger is not appropriate in this situation and he way overreacted IMO), it is not normal to blame and criticize your partner and insult them the way he did over that. Even if you did it by accident, accidents happen with laundry. Criticizing you and blaming you isn’t helpful. If I were in your shoes I would sit him down and talk to him about how you feel when he treats you that way and you need him to still have respect when he is frustrated. If he cannot identify the proper emotion to go with a situation, then he may need professional help with that. Unfortunately, he’s the only one who can do that for himself and there’s nothing you can do. You’re either going to stay in a situation where he is not taking care of his mental health, or you were going to kick him out or leave and not tolerate it any longer.

Answer

Okay so I’m going to offer something else than these comments…I am a stay at home girlfriend. I don’t make a lot, we have a travel lifestyle so my boyfriend is the one who financially supports and I do the internal house work for the most part (I say that because he is great at a couple daily cleaning tasks which I think is super appropriate and highly appreciated) 
I empathize having to be the peacekeeper. I’m struggling with this role myself as I have off days too. In moments of distress and frustration maybe have an affirmation and communicate that affirmation to prevent further blow outs. 
For an example: I am your partner. You are my teammate and I love you. *deep conscious belly breath and a closed mouth exhale fully*
I find that when I can center myself (because this is what I have control over — not his emotions or reactions) I can diffuse the argument much sooner and prevent further hurt feelings
This doesn’t work 100% of the time as we are human and it’s HARD AF to co-habitat period. 
I hope this helps. You are not in any wrong sweet friend and I hope you know I’m also not blaming you. His anger is not yours. His reactions are his only. I’m just passing along a tool that may help You stay strong in the future. 
No man can ever shake down your worth. Not Anyone.

Answer

So why did you need to apologize? You need to sit him down and tell him to find another outlet for his anger.

Answer

Time to buy all new shirts and start over. That's a huge pet peeve of mine. I literally took over laundry for the both of us when I was in 4th grade because I  hated when my mom would have an oops or an accident. It drove me nuts. I can understand once in a great while but all his shirts🤨. I wouldn't want to wear a bleach stained shirt if it wasn't supposed to be that way either.  This obviously bothers him so either he can do his own laundry or you can get it right.

How do you deal with it?

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