Do you think that your kids owe you? Or do you think you owe your parents?

Question

my mom acts like it’s me & my brother fault for being born and that we must live to take care of her forever to the point we can’t move out “if she’s not coming with” it’s actually scary I’m preggs and I’m planning to move in 4 months…

Answer

Whoever thinks that their children owe them something or that they owe their parents something for doing THEIR JOB, I'm curious as to what type of toxic relationship they have with them
Your parents chose to not use protection and ended up pregnant. Parents should NEVER make their children feel like they owe them back for raising them. The child didn't ask to be born
That is a very toxic mindset to raise a child in

Answer

My parents gave me everything and owe me nothing. And I don't owe my parents anything. But they are such good parents that I will always make sure they are good. My mother has talked about living with me, if my father passes away first, and I told her she can live in the guest house on the property. It can be all for her. But in my very home, no. Or I am happy to get her a place and pay her rent and bills but no living with me. And my mother doesn't expect those things. But when parents have been good parents, the least the children could do is be sure the parents are good and well and healthy and not homeless. Now, if my parents were just asking me for money and trying to drain me of my energy and funds, like they are my child, and are fully capable and are still working, then I wouldn't be bending backwards for my parents. If the parents love their child they will also understand that their child has a family to care for now. So all has to be within boundaries. But I have good parents who aren't asking me for anything but I always send them and buy them and make sure they are good; even when they say they don't need anything. They were too good to me, for me not to be good to them. But I also do not know the long-term relationship with your Mother. Maybe if I were in your shoes I'd feel different. I think the upbringing and childhood experiences will play a big part in how a child treats their parent(s) later on in life.

Answer

Wow do we have the same mom? 
But in all seriousness, I would set boundaries with her as soon as possible before the baby is born. My mom is the same way and thinks she is entitled to me and my soon-to-be child. She’s going to be pissed and probably make you out to be a bad person for sticking up for yourself and your baby. But at the end of the day, it’s your life and it’s your child; not hers. She made the choice to have children and you don’t owe her a thing.

Answer

So in my religion part of honoring your parents is providing for them, but that essentially means that if your parents are elderly, disabled, impoverished etc you make sure theyre not homeless and starving (it doesnt necessarily have to be in your house though). So in a sense, yes I owe them that. That doesnt mean able-bodied people are using that as a card to control your life though. I still married who I wanted, moved overseas and am living my life.

Answer

Absolutely not. We are our own people and my kids will be their own people. I chose to bring them into this world, they don’t owe me any thing for raising them, loving them, and providing basic needs because that was the commitment I made when I decided to have a kid. I hope that they want me around and that we have a great relationship, but they don’t owe me anything just because I’m their mom.

Answer

I clicked yes but meant to click no. I do think it would be nice for kids to help care for me when I'm old or need help. However, I do not believe it's normal the way your mother is thinking or acting. It seems like she's trying to control your life now that you're older. I wouldn't tolerate that. Part of being a parent is making sure your children grow to be self sufficient, productive adults. And while some people choose to live with their parents long-term it shouldn't be something that is forced unless there are other circumstances involved. For example, my mother is disabled and cannot live on her own. So, my brother lives with her to help her and split costs of daily living as she's in a fixed income

Answer

absolutely not. my kids owe me nothing. i owe thm everything.

Do you think that your kids owe you? Or do you think you owe your parents?

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