Pregnancy depression

I’ve always wanted to have three of four kids. Since I was little I always wanted to have kids. After being told by doctors I’d never be able to and having two MCs I finally got pregnant with my son. That pregnancy was miserable, I was flat on my back sick the whole time. I couldn’t even keep water down, I was stuck on the couch or my bed basically the whole time. I was also out on bed rest due to a previa and was in and out of the hospital for high blood pressure. When I finally had him I had just pushed his head out and they reached inside of me and ripped him the rest of the way out. He had a broken collar bone and I got severely torn from point A to point B. Then they stitched me up wrong, I went back and asked them to fix it and they said they didn’t feel like it. He said eventually the nerves there will die and it won’t hurt anymore.

I got pregnant again when my son was nine months and MCed at seven weeks. The month after that I had another early MC. I’m currently six weeks pregnant and I’m miserable sick again already. I feel so bad because I want to be up taking my one year old for walks and playing with him, taking him outside. But I’m stuck on the couch, I can’t eat which makes me feel horrible and dizzy and shaky. When I do eat I immediacy throw it up, my house is a mess Because I can’t be up for more than five minutes at a time without needing to lay back down. I’m feeling really depressed and I feel like I’m just gonna miss the next eight months of my sons life because I’m gonna be too sick. I don’t think I want to try to have anymore after this. Between the mental and emotional toll of so many losses and then miserable pregnancies I just don’t think I want to do this again. I never thought I’d only have two kids and then stop but I really don’t think I can do this all again. It might just be me being pregnant and more emotional but I feel mentally drained already, just knowing I’m not goin to be leaving the couch for so long. Everyday just drags on