My fiancé and I plan to do a small wedding in the US with those closest to us. Almost like a JP with our besties as witnesses and then have a ceremony abroad in another country on the beach.

My biological mother is Korean and lives in South Korea. She remarried after my father and her husband at the time made her choose him or me and from what I gathered as I got older, she had to choose him because he was wealthy and provided for her and her family to include her mother. I never grew up angry with her. My father resented her for the decision and didn’t allow her to cal me. She called every holiday and birthday since I was 4 to my grandparents house until they passed away. My grandfather passed along my new number before he passed and I’ve been in touch with her since because I was 19.

She became a widow a few years after I left. I never knew because my dad never told me about it. Now I’m in my mid 30s and I’ve only ever spoken to my mom by phone. We’d send letters and she’d mail me gifts for the holidays and birthdays every year since I was 19. She’s always asked me to visit and she’d pay, but I was only ever able to give her a week or less because of work, so we hoped maybe the next year or something.

Now, I’m engaged and will be traveling around the world next year and we will make our way to South Korea. I told my mom that we will be getting married stateside to make it official. My mother wants to throw a traditional Korean wedding for us.

My fiancé said no. My fiancé has cut his parents out of his life because he thinks they were shit parents. He was treated well growing up, but says their narcissism and such doesn’t make him want to be involved with them. He holds grudges and no regrets.

I’m different. I don’t hold anything against my mother because she’s been trying since I was 19 or so. I don’t know the whole story from back then or know what’s true, but I see she cares and loves me and is putting in the effort ever since.

My fiancé is dead set on refusing to let her throw us an unofficial ceremony. His words “your mom is a shit parent and she’s a nobody to you…fuck her…we can visit but she’s not throwing us any kind of wedding regardless if it’s official or not.”

I broke down crying because I expressed how important it is to me and to her. I thought it would be different if it’s important to me but he still said no.

Idk what to do or think. It came off heartless/cold hearted.