Am I the problem/abusive one? I don’t know how to deal with my husband anymore

My husband and I have been married since 2018 and we have two little boys together. He works full time and I quit my career as a teacher to stay at home with them until they’re in school themselves. Anyway, I take care of 99% of the child rearing and household duties. He goes to work, comes home, maybe mows the grass once every two weeks, and doesn’t do much else. Whatever. He makes good money and tbh I’ve always been one to do most things by myself anyway.

So the past year or so we have been more like roommates. There’s very little intimacy, very little affection for one another. I have tried talking to him so many times about it and he says he feels like I am mean to him and don’t care about his feelings. I do care and I constantly ask what he wants to talk about but he never opens up. He is so sensitive about every little thing. For example, yesterday, I wanted some Korean for dinner. He said he’d go pick it up. He gets there and says the owners took the day off. I was like rats, okay. He comes home and is super upset and is like “well what do you want?” I said “nothing, I’ll just eat a sandwich, it’s fine.” But he got sooo upset by this and refused to eat anything for dinner and just laid on the couch. Then this morning he started organizing the kitchen randomly. He was pouring a box of old Goldfish into a container and I was like “hey are those stale? They’ve been in the pantry for a while.” He took a bite and said “I don’t think so”. I said “oh okay, they don’t taste stale? I’m asking bc you just ate one.” He exploded and was like “omg will you please not snap at me!” I was like “wtf are you talking about? I did not snap.” He responded “stop yelling at me!” when I was not even raising my voice. Whenever I ask him to do something for the kids like will you change their diaper, will you get them dressed, will you bathe them, because he never does these things independently, he responds “you don’t have to tell me to do things so meanly. You’re always treating me like an employee.” He’s often on his phone after work and when I ask him anything like “how was your day?” he is not paying attention so I repeat myself “HEY how was your day?” and he is always like “Omg stop yelling at me! Why are you always mad at me?” He says I am always mean and always angry and that I gaslight him. He’s even said I’m emotionally abusive but I do not see HOW!! How am I being mean by asking you a question or asking you to do something!

Wtf is this? Of course I’m frustrated dude!! Maybe I am angry sometimes but I genuinely don’t think I am mean or abusive. Idk how to handle this anymore and feel like I am going crazy constantly being accused of being a mean person. My Tone is always very calm because I’m generally very mellow. I always say please, thank you, etc. I never raise my voice at him but he is constantly shouting at me about how I am mean. “Please can you Change the baby’s diaper? Thank you”. “Omg you act like I never do anything!! You’re welcome!!” Like dude it’s not a favor to me, it’s your baby too. But then he’s always like “you are so mean to me”. Dude how. 😩