Bitter: 4w4d

Got my blood test results back. HCG at 18 progesterone is at 9.6

I’m feeling bitter. Angry. Sad. Anxious.

I just know they’re gonna tell me it’s either ectopic or impeding miscarriage.

Why can I NEVER just have a smooth pregnancy. WHY can I NEVER just fucking conceive and have a baby like everyone else. Why can I NEVER be a mom. WHY do others in my family have babies so easily and I have to lose every pregnancy.

People ask why I test so much and it’s because POSITIVE TESTS ARE ALL I EVER GET! I never get a baby. I never get the happy ending. I’m cursed.

WHY ME UNIVERSE WHY ME. Why can’t this be fair? Atleast once?

Scan is at 2:30pm today and I’m dreading it. Life really isn’t worth living sometimes.

Edit: they canclled the scan because my “levels are too low it’s probably a miscarriage” so now I just wait and repeat my levels. I’m okay waiting on a womens clinic to call me back for a second opinion