So I was in a DV relationship for a year however we have a boy together so the abuse has continued constantly

Anyway this is gonna sound so strange to others but idk how to stop this.

I was abused I.e hit etc and now I crave to be tortured in sex to a point it turns me on.

I don’t know why because the trauma it’s caused is really bad however I need to be whipped hit tortured etc in sex. Can I ask why? Why do I crave to be hit etc? When he mentally and physically messed me up