Confused and stupid

When I told my husband I needed to go back to my family and think about things, I was clear that I was leaning towards divorce.

He guilted me saying that I'm the only one, he'll never move on from me or find anyone else. That so long as I live he lives ill be his only true love. Saying he's willing to wait as long as I needed to make a decision (he messed up big time lying and keeping secrets during our whole relationship). This made me uncomfortable at the time because it was obvious manipulation, I didn't want him to pine after me forever i just wanted some space to make my decision after all his lies were revealed.

Then I find out that less than a month after I said I needed a break to figure things out (and even less than that since I left) hes throwing out my stuff? I'm confused and maybe a little frustrated that it seems never really mattered that much to him other than to manipulate and use. All those "pretty words" that made me uncomfortable were exactly what I thought... empty words to manipulate me more.

I had wanted him to be able to move on if I decided his lies were too much for us to recover from, so why does this hurt? He didn't even wait for me to say it was officially over, even though I was the wronged party.

It feels so stupid that it hurts and it feels stupid that it matters to me so much. It doesn't make sense. I was trying heal and feel strong again before I made my decision 100% and it just hurts that it feels he took this choice away from me too. Just like he took away my knowing consent for everything the last 10 years by lying to me the whole time about who he was.

I dont know what to do or how to feel about this. I'm trying to get into therapy but it seems all the therapists locally have a long wait list.