So I (23) have been dating my boyfriend for now 3 months. He’s really sweet, fun to be with and always complimenting me. He’s even the one taking the time to prepare all our dates. On our very first date, he knew that I was a virgin (because I was really awkward on our first kiss - it was my first at that time and the situation on itself gave the hint away). And he did confess to me that I was his first girlfriend and that before me, he only had sexual relationship with other girls (an info that I eventually decided to overlook).

He did ask me sometimes my perspective about sex and knew since the beginning that I wasn’t ready yet (but that I am not waiting for marriage either). We did have a conversation later on (maybe a month in ) where he said he didn’t know if he could continue this relationship without sex - which I replied by saying I wouldn’t force myself into it o him, that he knew since day one and by giving him an example, after he asked me when I would be ready, that I know people that gave their v-card away after a month and others after more than a year depending if they feel like it (here is a key information for later on). Just so that we can meet in the middle, I started to do more during our kinky sessions (I didn’t feel forced too, and even found myself wanting to do more) without doing any penetration.

Moving to a forward now, me being still a virgin, we had a conversation where he told me he wasn’t sure if he could continue without having sex. We had one our kinky session and I said no when he asked me to have sex, which to that conversation… He told me that he knew that I was a virgin, and wanted to wait for me, but that at the same time he needed to feel that physical proximity to get more intimate and to deep connect in a emotional level and then fall « in love ». He also confess that he wasn’t sure if I really wanted him, even more so after I told him many times that I did imagine doing it with him while masturbating (which I told him that I felt like it was a proof of my attraction towards him and an information that I felt like okay to share since I never did it with anyone) .. Honestly speaking, I’m feeling mixed about this. I’m scared of the pain during the act, of not meeting his expectation (since he has lots of experience), of all of it being to fast and afraid of leaving a stain of blood on his bedsheets. But at the same time, I get his point of view and it’s not like I wouldn’t want to do it (like I sometimes want to fully do it, but then I block?). I told him all of that, he also share the same mixed feeling… In the end, we didn’t reach to any conclusion.. Help, I need some opinion on this situation here :(

Update (1 November) :

I talked with him, and honestly it became a conversation where we both became really emotional. He confessed to me that the reason why he said that was because of his insecurities: he thought that the real reason why I said no was because there was something that I didn’t like in him, that would make me back off - he didn’t dare to ask me, feeling a bit ashamed of himself (it’s also a problem he’s been working on lately - btw, he’s seeing people for help about that problem), which resulted in coming out in a wrong way a couple of times with me (which isn’t good-> I told him that and the fact that I may not be that understanding in the future if he tells me stuff that hurts me again). Also, I didn’t write it here, but I’m the type of person who can start to distance themselves from someone that we suspect will hurt us in the near future(I had many people in my life who I cared for, but ended back stabbing me. So acting that way prevents me from feeling more pain than needed, which isn’t really good sometimes ): I stopped showing him affection until we had our talk together, answering him coldly and acting distant until we managed to talk it out. He also shared that he felt scared since then, scared that I would break up with him during that talk. He apologized to me, asked me more questions to better understand the reasons why I wanted to wait, and told me at the end that he was willing to wait until I’m ready (and as much as I need).

So yes, we’re still together now and I only hope our relationship is going to get stronger from there. Maybe you’ll hear from us again in the future, who knows? (But I hope it will only be for good reasons haha). I want to say thanks to you all, because I could see many different perspectives but more importantly, getting it from all your comments, that I should stay firm with this type of decisions and that I shouldn’t just do something in the name of « love », nor continue something just because I wish it to be that way (in my case, it ended well. But in a scenario where he wouldn’t understand, it would have been better to end it since we wouldn’t be looking for the same things in a relationship.). Thanks a lot!