My parents are really awesome parents and awesome grandparents. However they live 500 plus miles away from us but see us as often as they can and vise versa. It’s usually around 4x a year for a week or two each. So they don’t fully grasp what we go through with my 5 year old. My dad in particular is extremely close to my 5 year old, his first grandson. They literally talk every day and FaceTime on my son’s iPad. We have struggled with my son’s behavior basically since birth but now that he is in school it has come to a head and he was officially diagnosed with:

Autism level 1

ADHD

SPD

ODD

I have expressed to my parents some of the things he does and concerning behaviors like complete lack of awareness when it comes to danger and extreme rage and anger, becoming violent, and breaking things/damaging property. My dad really dismisses all of it and says Luca is fine, Luca is just high spirited and a “tough boy”. Recently my son has been completely off the wall. It’s only 8:45am right now and he has already thrown a block at my husband, screamed at us, told us we are bad parents and he wishes we’d go away forever, and kicked me in the shins. For anyone aghast by this, this is more or less typical for kids with ODD. He is in therapy and receiving services. Anyway, we took away his iPad privileges for his morning behavior for the rest of the day as well as his other favorite toys. My dad texted me can he talk to Luca, and I said no, he’s in trouble and explained what had happened. My dad was like “I haven’t talked to him in days because you keep taking away his iPad. Don’t you think you’re being mean?” I was like “no, I don’t. My 5 year old is basically terrorizing us and this is the only method that somewhat works with him, taking away his things.” My dad was like “maybe he’s like that because you’re too strict. That’s my sweet boy.” And it just really set me off and made me start crying.

I feel like no one understands what it’s like to have a kid with all of these types of neurodivergences and disabilities. I am truly doing all that I can, taking him to so many different appointments and therapies. I am calm, I hold my boundaries with him, I am reading all the literature, I am trying everything. And still it feels like people just blame me. My parents, his teachers, people in public who watch him scream at me because I said I can’t buy the $50 toy that he wants.

I just don’t know what more I can. What more I can say to my parents in particular to make them understand.

Any advice…?