So my mum is here on holidays , I haven’t seen her in a year. Sunday is her second last night visiting and my partner and I are going to a wedding from 4pm so my mum is going to babysit my 18month old and my 6 week old .

So today when my MIL was over (because she invites herself over every weekend and if we ever say no she guilt trips us into saying yes) . My partner and I left the room so it was just my mum and my MIL.

My MIL said to my mum “well I’ll come over on Sunday and babysit with you”.

Still to this moment my MIL has not asked MY permission OR my partners! She should not be getting permission from the babysitter, she should be getting permission from the childrens parents!

I will not allow her to be with my children without me present because firstly, she’s had a fractured wrist so I can’t trust her holding my newborn baby! And I know for a fact she will help herself to holding her. And secondly, the only person I trust to be with my kids without me present is my mum! And obviously my partner

I expressed to my partner that I’m not happy she didn’t ask our permission and I don’t want her babysitting with my mum. And he got angry at me and doesn’t see my point of view.

This is my mums first time seeing my eldest in literally a year and obviously the first time she’s seeing my newborn. Sunday is her last day, she has never had grand-parenting opportunities such as babysitting or going out to parks or zoos etc. so I feel like my MIL should back off and let my mum have her grandparenting moment!

The first weekend my mum was here I wanted to take my mum and the kids to the aquarium and my MIL tried to invite herself and I said no because it’s going to be quality mum and daughter plus grandparenting time for my mum and then my MIL messaged my partner right after I said no saying “Hi son, feeling sad because apparently I’m not allowed to come to the aquarium because sam is having mum and daughter time with her mum and I’m not invited” . That’s the type of person she is! And she always does it with everything!

I want to tell her she’s not babysitting on Sunday but again, she will try to guilt trip us and message us at all hours of the night with a sad face so that we ask if she’s okay and she will say “just sad I can’t babysit on Sunday” (she’s done this because , including when I was not even 48 hours post birth and I was up at 2am consoling her because she was messaging me saying she was sad she hadn’t met the baby yet even though I was in absolute pain and agony and didn’t want to see ANYONE)

She is so manipulative!!

It’s even more frustrating because when she has a sook about these things, it causes drama in my relationship with my partner ! Because I’m messaging her one thing and then she straight away messages him making me out as the bad guy.

How do I even tell her I don’t want her babysitting on Sunday??

EDIT: just to clarify, the reason why I trust my mum more than my MIL is because 1. I grew up seeing my mum be a mother, i know how she is when it comes to being a mum and looking after kids. I am very close with her so trust her completely . And 2. I have allowed my MIL to babysit a few times and EACH TIME she has gone against my trust by doing things I tell her not to do which should give me every right not to trust her because unfortunately when it comes to my kids health and well-being I’m not going to allow someone to be around them when I’m not present if they have shown me in the past that they are not willling to listen to me and go against what I ask of her when it comes to looking after my child safely and appropriately. Would you rather protect your MIL feelings so she doesn’t get butt hurt, or would you rather protect your child’s health safety and well-being ? It might be dramatic, but at the end of the day , if I have a mum gut feeling that I can’t have my kids aroun this woman unattended by me then I’m not going to protect her feelings and make her feel valid by allowing anything to potentially happen.