So many years ago my husband and I decided to set a firm boundary to cut off and stay away from certain people on my mother's side of the family.

These people are pathological liars. Think everyone else is below them. Cause nothing but drama for anyone around them. Talk to people like absolute shit. Say and do very hateful things.

Before my Grandmother died I sat and held her hand as she cried about how hateful certain family members are it was so bad.

These people have publicly called other family members "white trash". Have come into our homes without knocking and as we tried to tell them you weren't invited you can't just walk in our home they screamed "fuck you!" over and over until we finally got them to leave.

Have went out of their way to text me horrible things they think about my husband after this incident.

Talk shit about us to everyone. If they see us in public they act like we don't exist and literally turn their nose up to us.

My mother herself is treated like absolute shit by these people and every time and incident occurs she says she's done with them but ALWAYS lets them back in her life because she thinks that's what forgiveness is. She thinks that we, my husband and I, have hateful hearts and are childish because we won't "forgive" her family. We have explained to her over and over again that we can forgive somebody and still not ever have to see or speak to them again because that's not what forgiveness means.

So my husband and I firmly put our foot down and said we'd never choose to be around these people again. We completely put everything aside for a funeral and of course just said as little as we had to to these people and we're civil when we had to speak and for some reason after that MY mother thought we'd "gotten over" our boundary. She asked us if we'd come to another family event which I told her I'm politely declining if certain people are there because we are not comfortable having to put on a happy face and do not want our children around them. She was mad at me and I explained again I WILL NOT be around people who treat everyone around them like shit whenever they see fit. Our children will not know these people, we don't want them too and she's so mad at me about that too. She says her family have never laid eyes on my children and that's because we don't want them to. They aren't a part of our life so they don't need to see my kids.

As my husband said blood is not thicker than water and I completely agree. Just because someone is related to me doesn't mean we have to have anything to do with them.

So after this conversation of again explaining our boundary my mother dropped the discussion and everything was fine between us. We are close.

Well we planned to stop by her house for a quick pop in to say hi. She was excited and so were we.

When we got to her door and she opened it one of the family members we want nothing to do with was there and we did not go in and sent children to the car. I just told my mother "we have to go home" and we left.

I tried to call her and she didn't answer so I text her and told her if we knew that family was there we wouldn't have we wouldn't have come. You can have whoever you want at your own house but please tell us if they are there so we can make the choice to not come instead of us being completely surprised like that. I told her that if we are invited over and those family members are there we will leave that's just how it has to be because we have the right to not want to have anything to do with them. We would not even come over if we know they are there and we can see my mother privately another time. Well my mother is furious that we just got our kids back in the car and left. She said we hurt her and evens said we hurt our kids by doing that and we are childish. We feel like she tried to pull one over on us by knowing that family member was there and purposely not telling us. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and told her if that family member just showed up while she knew I was on the way she could have called me or text me to warn me so I could have made a decision rather than being blind sided like that. My mother now hasn't spoken to me and I know she will never understand the boundaries my husband and I set and I doubt this will be the last time we are put in a position like that. It wasn't the first time. When my baby was born my mother showed up unannounced at my home with a family member we don't want anything to do with and didn't understand why we were mad about that and told us we were ridiculous for saying that family member wasn't welcome at our home. She thinks family is family and we just need to get over all of the mistreatment and be around them to make her happy. We are now the bad people yet again for not coming into my mother's house and just leaving. I love mother so much and this is so ridiculous to me. I want a relationship with MY MOTHER. I want my boundaries respected even if they aren't understood. I don't want to be surprised and blind sided when she knows good and well we aren't the type to act fake around people and we aren't going to come in and just ignore someone in my mother's home. We felt the best thing to do in the moment was pick the kids up and leave. We didn't say anything hateful. We were put on the spot and we didn't have a choice in the matter. Maybe if we had a heads up we could have decided to go ahead and trun around to go home or asked my Mother to just come to the car to say hi to the kids since it was just a quick pop in planned anyway. I told her that I would never expect her to be around people who make her uncomfortable just to make me happy and I said I would never blindside her like that with people she never wanted to see and she just thinks I'm ridiculous.

But now we are the bad people and I can't get it off my mind. I wish I never decided to plan the visit in the first place.

If you got to the end thank you for taking the time to read.