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Question

How do you communicate without being scared of making him mad or upset or worried about what he’s gonna say??
-He does allow me to express myself freely, he encourages me to do that. it’s just my anxiety🤦🏼‍♀️ and i also don’t be trying to make him mad, even though i know he isn’t going to get mad smh. like y’all- he is the most caring man ever and not abusive at all. we have a good relationship, and he’s even helped me a lot grow alot. i feel like i’ve learned more with him in these 4-5years than my whole life with my mom. i just have childhood trauma where anytime i’ve tried voicing my thoughts to my mom, i would get yelled at or popped.😕

Answer

You shouldn’t even be in any situation like this. You need to be with someone who will allow you to express yourself no matter how it will make them feel. It doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong relationship. But if this is a problem you have with him you need to communicate it and work on it together because you can not live a life in a happy relationship if you’re not able to communicate. It is just unrealistic and it won’t ever work

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I understand the issue is the childhood trauma and not your partner. As someone who has also had trauma and had to re-learn habits I would suggest therapy of some sort.

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So i totally understand where you’re coming from and honestly, my husband gets more upset when i DONT communicate. I was conditioned for so long by my mom that if I expressed my feelings, she would lash out and it would turn into a yelling match. He doesn’t understand this as he has a great relationship with his mom. It was a big block in our marriage, especially at first. It still is hard for me to just come out and say what I’m thinking. You need to sit and talk with him and help him understand it doesn’t come naturally. It’s something you two need to work on together, it’s not easy to overcome alone. What worked for me is rather than my husband prying and getting upset with for me shutting down, i asked that he allowed me to step away and think about what I’m feeling and how i want to express it to him. It helps me process and gather my words before i say something i don’t express properly. A prime example of the most recent situation is we just had a baby, she’s roughly a month old now. We had a very stressful first three weeks of her life. We had a scheduled induction, NICU stay, and we moved right at the end of it all while my husband went back to work. My mom was here helping us and having my mom here was more of a stressor for me due to the strain in our relationship, though in the end she truly was a huge help. There was a lot my husband did with the intention of being helpful and tried to avoid putting extra stress on me, and i did the same but all it really resulted in was lack of communication on both parts (mainly mine) all to try to save some stress on the other person but that also meant i bottled up what was frustrating me and what i didn’t bring to his attention when i should of. We were stressed and exhausted because well, new baby. We got into a fight (which we never do) over some lights being left on🤦🏼‍♀️ and we were in bed and after i had time to gather my thoughts in silence while feeding baby, i just let it all out and he sat and listened to everything i had to say before responding to any of it. He had no clue any of what i brought up was bothering me. There was no yelling or accusing, it was just a calm discussion and the root of it was not communicating. It’s hard, but you can learn what works best for you.

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Honey it takes time . The fact that he encourages you to express yourself is amazing . Work on it yourself . Maybe talking to yourself in the mirror or talking to a therapist.

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If I ever had to worry about walking on eggshells around my partner to prevent them from doing anything other than listening and being considerate, I wouldn’t be with him.

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I so relate to this! My childhood trauma and ptsd from my ex gave me horrible anxiety. I struggle with communicating what I am feeling and I get scared to talk about my feelings. My husband is so understanding and supportive, but it’s still hard for me. It got even worse after we had our first baby. I finally saw my doctor and started anxiety meds and it really helps.

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Get help with your child hood trauma. You need professional help to overcome this and be anle to live a free life. And not as others said. This has nothing to do with your relationship or partner.

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Um if you can't talk to him without fear then he's abusive and you should stay away.

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You don't. You're honest and clear or else it don't work out. You shouldn't have to walk around eggshells with your partner

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if u have to worry about ur partner getting mad about u communicating ur feelings why be w them

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