I've known him for two years. He's 20 now. I treated him like my own and never thought he would do something like this. Mentally I was in a bad place. My life was completely upended. He was the only family I had in the area. I needed support and went to his apartment early Wednesday morning. I was exhausted. I fell asleep crying. I woke up to him inside me. He was kissing my neck and pulled my hair. I lifted my head and he pulled out, pretended nothing happened.

I can't wrap my head around why he would do it. He has no explanation. It is so creepy how sensual he was. It wasn't violent, painful, or terrifying. He was loving. That's what bothers me the most. Now I think back to everything he's ever done and wonder if it was sexual, or testing to see how receptive I'd be... I drove with him when he had his learners permit. I gave him girlfriend advice. I did his laundry, cooked his meals. There was nothing sexual about our relationship. He was my son.

He has another omnibus hearing today. Every hearing makes me remember it. Analyze it. Try to figure out why.

He admitted to it in text and on the phone while I was at the police station. Everything was recorded. He'll be offered a deal, I'll be able to have a say in his punishment. I will testify if he takes it to trial.

I just need to know why and don't think I'll ever get that closure...