I'm not trying to sound negative or like I'm complaining or ungrateful but I feel you guys would understand..

Lost my baby in September, I was supposed to be about 12 weeks and the baby stopped growing at about 10 and a half weeks. The miscarriage was so traumatic I went to the ER from blood loss and passed out in waiting room 😭 luckily I didn't need a blood transfer just tons of fluids and to stay off my feet. I have a special needs daughter so I can't sit and feel down all the time like I want because she needs my care. But I don't spend as much time with her as I should especially with due date coming up and the holidays.

It's so hard to be positive or have energy lately. All I see are people around me posting they're pregnant. It's so hard sometimes to even get on social media because there's always a post. Sometimes it just seems so unfair. Especially when I see people who have no trouble trying, or who I know aren't even fit to be a parent. Not trying to hate on others I just hate that it seems everyone else is able to become pregnant and I have found it difficult to even want to try . I'm scared. Scared for another loss. Scared it could become as bad as the last loss or even worse. Scared that it's me. I'm the problem. That my children aren't even going to be healthy and that if I do conceive again and it works out they will be special needs like my other daughter. Nothing against her special needs because shes perfect and i love her but the more time goes on I worry that I'm the cause. That I'm carrying some genetic abnormalities and that's why I can't carry to term or if I do they will have chromosomal abnormalities which just scares me. Please no hate.