Should I test

Hi,

I recently lost my daughter who was stillborn and decided that in terms of having another baby what will be will be so haven’t been using contraception.

I’ve been tracking ovulation etc and I’m now 13dpo and due on my period today but no sign as yet.

I’m now terrified to test. I’m going away tonight for a week so I don’t know wether it’s better to test today or wait until we get back.

I’m so torn over how to feel about it all