How to move past cheating ?

Question

I don’t want his passwords I don’t want his location… I want to trust him and love him fully I want to put my guard down…. We have two children no I’m not just staying for the kids I’m staying because I love him. We’re both young and looking back at our “relationship” we never really had a proper shot if I’m being honest. I’m willing to give it one last try if it doesn’t work at least I can say I tried. I know I shouldn’t but I want to so please chill with the comments.. yes we’re trying to set up therapy. 
Little back story we’ve been together for 8 years about 8 months after my first was born we “broke up” we weren’t really fully broken up we still did relationship things still had loyalty expectations. During this time I pushed him away I didn’t want to be with him so he hooked up with a few girls I was doing my own thing also I didn’t hook up with anyone but was definitely acting single. So I don’t necessarily care that he did ofc it hurts but like I’ve mentioned we weren’t defined. So now fast forward to last year we’re trying to get the relationship back and I find out he’s still in contact with them. And I do consider that cheating. I read the messages they were pretty short but friendly one part of the messages was a bit concerning. But yeah this is what I want to get past. We could’ve left all that in the past but he brought it to the future by still engaging with them. He knows if I was still engaging with the people I talked to us being together wouldn’t even be an option. So he knows he’s wrong. I keep wondering if I didn’t find out he was still talking to them who knows how long it would’ve lasted and where it would’ve gone to in the future. Also the girls were able to confirm they hadn’t seen him since they hooked up which I believe. He is showing great remorse and is willing to doing things the right way this time with the help of therapy and what not.

Answer

I’m not sure what you think anyone can tell you. You already said you don’t want his passwords and you’re planning therapy. You’re the only one that can fix if you trust him or not. You obviously want to forgive him and move on so I’d say that’s a pretty strong start. Trust is earned. All you can do is keep going and hope he doesn’t stuff up until the trust comes back

Answer

Time. And therapy. He needs to understand that you're hurt and you'll react to that trust being broken sometimes. Acting like it didn't happen won't help. So you both have to accept it happened and go through a proces of healing before being able to move forward together. It'll take time. And therapy is a great way to help getting things talked about.
All the best 🙏

Answer

You can’t. Once trust is broken it’s like a piece of paper that has been crumbled in the palm of your hand, the lines of deception will always be there in the back of your mind. You will doubt everything he says and does, wonder if he saving women’s numbers as men’s names. Is he really working late or going to the gym etc. cheaters don’t feel bad cheating they made a choice. They knew what they were risking. You don’t just slip and fall into a vagina. Is a choice to step outside the relationship. To talk to people or engage on an emotional level or physically or sexually. They don’t feel bad or guilty doing it. They feel bad and guilty when they get caught. They thought they were doing a better job at hiding it. They feel bad that you found out not what they were doing. And now you have ruined their fun. Whatever the reason or excuse they can come up with or blame you etc. by you staying you are telling them not only is the behavior acceptable but you will tolerate it when he does it again because you don’t want to be alone. And he uses that to his advantage to get away with murder. I can tell you story after story I have to hear it in my office constantly dealing with divorce and custody and child support issues. Long distance truck drivers that have a family in their home state and another. Man who was with the girlfriend and downstairs neighbor. We had to talk her out of wanting to crash her car into their apartment. Nothing shocks me anymore.

Answer

You'll always distrust him. You'll always be second guessing. Even if it's not at the forefront everyday, it'll always be there.

Answer

You don't. You either stay and pretend the person you are choosing to stay with actually loves you when he doesn't (cheating isn't love). Or you realize you deserve someone who actually loves you who would never do that to you and you leave because you and your baby deserve better than him.
In this specific situation you all definitely aren't right for each other. If you can't even stay together and we're taking "breaks" then there's no point to this relationship. Be with someone you are compatible with who you don't have to have "breaks" with. This isn't good for anyone involved.

Answer

Get some counseling together.

How to move past cheating ?

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