I don't want to be pregnant.

My husband ALWAYS wanted kids and I was mostly indifferent, not really opposed to the idea. We started in 2021 and have had 5 prior unsuccessful pregnancies. I've almost been killed with an ectopic rupture and another required a D&C for a missed miscarriage.

I'm now 15 weeks on my 6 pregnancy and with each successive privacy my desire for a child has become smaller and smaller to the point where I'm not looking forward to this at all.

I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to look pregnant and I'm not excited about parenting. I have to take drugs to encourage this pregnancy to stick. They make me physically miserable and just symptoms generally make me unhappy.

I've also had to stop my usual treatment for a chronic migraines which causes a world of pain.

Being in this position begrudgingly, but willingly, I don't know how anyone could be forced to endure this.

Is there anyone else in the same boat? I.e. Doing this for their partner but not very excited about it. Does anyone have any tips?

I know this is a sensitive topic, so please be kind. If you don't want to post publicly that is ok too, I think there is a function to DM on here or post anonymously, I'm willing to receive any suggestions, but as a heads up 'be grateful for the blessing' isn't helpful when you don't actually want to be pregnant.

Edit -I have no intention to terminate the pregnancy, but a very real possibility I've considered is if I go from not wanting it to hating it or being completely miserable is leaving my husband to parent on his own.., which sucks, because while any spouse can be annoying AF from time to time (including myself) he is my person.