Mixed emotions

Likely long post warning-

First some backstory:

When I had my daughter almost 5 years ago, I was married to my ex husband. He had always said he wanted kids, but once I actually got pregnant (which took a year) all I could hear about the entire pregnancy was how he was gonna lose all his privacy, never have any time to himself, not be able to do what he wants when he wants, etc. It was really a buzzkill on the whole pregnancy bc I was so excited but it seemed he was not and did nothing but complain when I just wanted him to be excited for us. Fast forward to 7 weeks after she is born and I find out he’s been having an affair. We separate and get divorced. That’s a whole ‘nother Oprah show…moving onto present day.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. He always said he always wanted 3 kids. We have a great relationship and he’s great with my daughter. We discussed marriage in the near future, but he said he was just wanting to pay off a couple debts (they aren’t big and are nearly paid off) and just waiting until it felt like the right time for marriage. At the same time, he knows how much having another child is important to me. I just turned 33 and him 34. We both wanted to be married before having kids but about 6 months ago, my birth control (I’ve tried several) kept messing with my cycle with negative side effects and he said he had no preference on if I took it or not and that it was up to me, I couple stop taking it and whatever happened happened.

About a month ago he quit his job bc his boss was a real piece of work, and he has been looking for another. Just a week ago I find out I’m pregnant. He is in complete shock and says he can’t even be excited at this time bc he is just worried about finances getting himself together and things in order before he can even begin to think about anything else. He’s not mad or anything, but says now was not the ideal time (is it ever the ideal time?). But he knows that neither of us planned it, especially the him quitting his job part.

So I guess what I just came here to ask was if anyone else has been in a similar situation?

I work full time and have a really good job, don’t make a ton but plenty to support myself and my daughter, our our bills, and he is doing delivery jobs at the moment to support his bills and half of the mortgage etc while searching for more permanent work.

I guess I’m just kind of sad that I thought the next time I was in a good relationship and was pregnant that I would have a partner that was excited about it too and it would be a much nicer experience, but I’m afraid it’s not like that, at least now. I think it will be much better when he gets a permanent position and he can look forward to other things, and I’m only 5 weeks so we have plenty of time to get excited together. I’m just a little bummed, even if we did kinda bring it upon ourselves. So not complaining, just kinda ugh 😑

Thanks for listening to my rant if you made it this far. It’s been eating at me for a few days.