Hi people,

I was at a boarding school of sorts last spring and there was a guy who I had a very complicated and I would say toxic relationship with, but I’m not sure if I would count it as abusive or not? I know some things were definitely bad but I always feel guilty labeling my experiences as sexual assault or abuse because I know there are people who have experienced way worse. And also some aspects of this relationship were just so gray—I never know what to count and what not to, but looking back I just question everything. Any feedback would be great! ❤️

The biggest thing was when we both had feelings for each other and one day we were cuddling in his bed. He tried to touch my crotch over my pants and I told him that I wasn’t ready for that yet, and he kept asking why? Why? And then he would pretend to be adjusting my position in the bed but he would grab only my crotch to move me around as if I wouldn’t notice, and this happened at least 3 times. I would say “no” out loud and he would literally say “yes” back.

He would also give me hickeys even when I told him not to, like literally all over my chest and neck. I told him I didn’t want him to because then other people would see them but he didn’t listen. I wasn’t very serious-sounding though when I said it so maybe he just thought I was being playful or something. I just remember that afterwards though I would look at myself in the mirror at all the bruises and feel something icky inside.

When we were just friends he would sometimes choke me ‘as a joke’ if I was laying on the couch and he was standing over me, but sometimes it was hard to breathe. Once he did it in front of my friend when we were just walking outside like out of nowhere and she screamed at him not to choke me. I guess it looked worse than I realized 😅

There was a day when we had a snowball fight and he hit me in the face by accident so my bottom lip got swollen, and a half hour later he hit me in the face again by accident so the top lip swelled too. Was it an accident? I don’t know.

There was also a time when I was in his room with him and I told him I had just gotten admitted to a university and he came over and slapped my cheek (not very hard, it barely hurt) and then pinched it (that hurt).

He also just said a lot of rude things to me about my appearance or things that would make me insecure. Idk if any of this counts as abusive or not but I’m just feeling a bit lost and am never really sure where to draw the line if that makes sense?

Thanks for any input!💕