rage outbursts

so i was having a very bad day and started having a panic attack which turned into rage. it had nothing to do with anyone other than me and i wasn’t even around my mom. i was screaming and crying and i locked myself in my room so that no one would bother me so i would calm down. my mom heard me and started screaming and beating on my door and i asked her to give me a minute to calm down. she kept on and on so blew up.

she knows i have a hard time controlling myself when i’m having an attack and i’ve explained many times i just need to be alone and calm down before we can talk.

so now i’m the bad guy for yelling at her when i was nice at first and asked for a moment alone but when she didn’t give me space i blew up.

i know i shouldn’t have talked to her like that but i genuinely just needed a second and she doesn’t understand no matter how many times i explain it to her.