Just feeling so low 😔

I needed some place to vent , share with someone. We have been ttc for 5 months now. My periods have never been regular but i get them in like 32-36 days.

This month i am on cycle day 42 , no sign of period, all the tests are negative. If my periods would have come on time my next fertile cycle would have started now.

I don't know what is happening with me , i am just crying randomly, there is no one i can share these feelings, testing every morning for some miracle. I am not in my town since last month don't want to ask my mom for a gynecologist because it will put her in hope and then telling each month that nothing is happening will disharten her too.

I am experiencing low blood pressure, mood swings and just waiting for my periods now but i am feeling so low ,can't sleep at night. So just wanted to vent it out here. 😔