Is it better to divorce when kids are younger or older?

Question

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old. My husbands parents divorced when he was 14 years old. We had very different experiences. 
I fear divorce is in our future for several reasons. I could go on about our relationship issues, but I’ll just say, at the very least, I do not feel equal to him. 
I want our relationship to be a positive example for our kids. We have a 1 and a half year old and another baby due in the fall. He becomes upset easily, is quick to blame and doesn’t forgive easily. My daughter absolutely ADORES him. And I love their relationship. I love seeing the joy that he brings to her. But I also want respect. I would hate to take her daddy away so early in life when she is making such a good relationship with him. I think it will also be crucial to the relationship building with our second child for us to remain a unit. Do I stick it out as long as I can for the sake of the children?

Accepted Answer

The sooner the better. Don’t live miserably “for the kids”. You do more damage “sticking around for the kids”. I used to cry and pray and beg my parents to get a divorce - them living miserably made me and my siblings lives miserable and has caused so much trauma we’ve all had to work through.

Answer

Your unborn child will never know anything other than what they are born into. If you are unhappy and want a divorce then get a divorce. Your children will adjust. It's better to have happy parents than parents that are "together"

Answer

Sounds like you both need therapy, separately and together. You can fight for your marriage, but both of you have to want it and be willing to put in the work.

Answer

I always think 'is this the life i want for my kids when they grow up?' 'Do i want to make it seem that it's okay to hold resentments and be miserable for my kids?' Whatever you do, your children will pick up on that and that becomes the basis of relationship expectations and self worth for them. It's. For. Life. Do you want your children to live life like you currently are? I doubt it. Model healthy behaviors for them by sticking up for yourself and either BOTH of you fighting to fix your marriage OR show them that family can live separately for everyone's sake. If you're miserable, they will know no matter what you say or pretend to be. Don't create their world on lies. They'll never believe anything you say or do once they can put it together. Trust me, I'm in intensive therapy because i had a mother that "stayed for the children" even though we were the ones begging for their separation

Answer

Maybe I can add some perspective. My parents divorced when I was a baby and my brother was almost a teen. We had VASTLY different experiences. My brother got front row seats to EVERYTHING and did the typical thing that kids do and blamed himself. He acted out, struggled in school, turned to cigarettes, drugs, and drinking. All of this a direct result from my mother waiting YEARS to divorce my father. By the time I rolled around my mom finally realized the home wasn't healthy and she was married to a crappy man. I had the fortune of missing everything my brother experienced. He's in his 30s and still struggles with ale of the things that happened. I grew up blissfully unaware, never struggled with it, never wanted my parents together, and never had any of the problems my brother experienced from the divorce. I didn't know any better and I'm grateful that my mom didn't drag it out. Every single one of my friends growing up had divorced parents and every single one of them that had parents divorce really early had a much easier time while all of the others really struggled.

Answer

You divorce when you feel you need a divorce. No matter how old the kids are.

Answer

Your kids will adjust to it all. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my brother was 4. Did it suck absolutely, was it confusing absolutely, did my dad walk out of our lives for a period of time after he got remarried yes and it sucked. But what would have sucked more was growing up in a house where there was no love for each other. Where my parents weren’t happy and just miserable. You have to think of the kids and how they will see things as normal for there future relationships.

Answer

@glowgpt in a relationship with kids, when is it better to divorce?

Answer

I grew up with my parents constantly fighting. My mom calling my dad names and yelling (in front of me and my older sister) and my dad yelling back but never being physical though my mother did hit my dad a few times. I remember telling them to divorce throughout childhood, into my teens, and finally when I was 23 my parents divorced. It was a day I wish had come much sooner. They may have had love for eachother but it WAS NOT okay for me to see and hear the things I did. I will NEVER stay together for the kids, I say as I’m 9 weeks pregnant with my second child and my first will be 3 in 3 months. If I ever see I have irreconcilable differences with my husband I will divorce as I know it’s healthier to divorce than “stay together for the kids” I know it’s hard, but believe me the kids will be happier long term.

Answer

You guys can’t be good for the kids if you’re not good together. If you’re better apart that’s better for them too. Do what’s best for YOU. The rest will fall into place

Is it better to divorce when kids are younger or older?

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