It’s a f*cky situation

And I know I’m also at fault here. I’m hoping I won’t be bashed too much - but at the same time I want honesty especially because I feel like I’m truly at a crossroad now and need to make a GOOD DECISION ASAP.

I fell in love with someone I probably shouldn’t have ever fallen in love with. Again. I’m admitting I’m also at fault here so I’m not just pointing fingers.

The guy I love immensely started as my best friend. We became the best of friends - we basically became family - and didn’t know we loved each other until wayyyy down the road. We were simply best friends for roughly 7 years before anything romantic even started (and that happened so suddenly - it was a matter of pizza and a couple beers and next thing we were kissing and it was the most natural feeling in the world that didn’t interfere with our friendship).

Anyways. He has been on and off with this girl for the longest time - before we were ever a thing. Then all these years later during an off time, he and I got together for two years. It was great. There were moments for sure of not so great times but overall it was loving on my best friend which made a lot of things easier I think.

My family really wedged themselves into our dating life - feeling he couldn’t be single and was using me and too dependent on me etc - they were a large factor into our breakdown. Not the only factor but a big part for sure.

We were able to break up and be friends. It was different yea but we held onto being friends first which made things a bit better.

He got back with that girl I mentioned before for about 7 months then they broke up and he and I tried again for about half a year until he moved away for work - it was too much and I was the one to call it off. He was away for work for over a year, I met someone, dated them, all that fun stuff. Then he came back home, truly broken to have left in the first place, and then was angry I moved on. I stayed with my new SO. He got back with the other girl.

My SO turned out to be abusive as hell. So with some help from others. I was able to leave, press charges.

My best friend there re-entered my life and we tried to stay friends (he broke up with the other girl again yes). And then we of course got back together because this is our track record.

And then boom. God happened.

I find out I’m pregnant (with my abusive ex). His ex finds out she’s pregnant by him. We’re together and having babies with other people. I’m cringing so hard on the inside and feel an insane amount of guilt and hurt and uncertainty.

I’ve never been so confused in my life. I know I’m to blame too. I just feel so confused and unsure. Like what’s the right choice here. Continue with this TLC special or call this all off?? I’m leaning towards calling it off, so they can be a family and all that.