I think my husband is cheating and I don’t know how to get my facts before approaching him

My husband flirts a lot which I’ve told him how disrespectful that is but I want to know if he’s physically cheating.

We have been married for almost three years with two kids. Little one is 3 months old. He traveled to a family friend’s graduation party about 4 hours away during Memorial Day weekend. I asked severely to go him with along with my kids but he said my 3 month old is too little for that long trip which was understandable. He left Sunday and came back Monday evening spent the nights at a hotel.

He has two phones one for work. My son was watching YouTube on that phone so I decided to go through his pics as he was away from the house. I saw a screenshot from his other phone. A message from another girl saying “maybe you’ll let me sit on your face before you head to Austin” this was 3days before his trip to Austin. So I know he’s cheating but I just want to confirm if he really met up with her before the trip or even took her along.

I’ve never physically caught him cheating but I bought a condom for us to use to prevent getting pregnant after my first pregnancy. He said he wasn’t gonna use it but I later during my second pregnancy, I found out that he opened the condom the weekend I was away at my moms. Again he took a screenshot from his other phone of him opening the condom. I asked him and he told me he threw it away. Also, i caught him having conversation with a girl and I barged into the room and asked to see who he was talking to but he immediately cut of the phone and didn’t let me see who he was talking to. Later he came to tell me it was a female friend on FB that her father passed away and he was calling to send his condolences but rather he was telling the girl on the phone how he puts her first, he will treat her good, she should call her when it’s raining to come get her etc. I was heartbroken but decided to let it go because I was pregnant.

In regards to his travel to Austin…I don’t know how to approach it.

1) I am trying to figure out what excuse I can make to get a hold of his main phone to confirm whether they met up but I don’t know his password and he will never give me his password.

2) I am also thinking about calling the girl to let her know he’s married in case she didn’t know. Just a peaceful conversation. I don’t know what to do. My husband barely ask for sex and when I ask him he always denies. He did not touch me through out my pregnancy regardless of how much I needed it. It’s been almost a month since we had sex. First time after C-section. We usually have sex once a month or once almost 2 months. When I approached him in the past that we barely have sex maybe 12 times in a whole year he said why am I counting it and that he has had all the fun he wanted to have in the past and I should have done the same.

3) also thinking of approaching him that he is cheating on me and I need him to show me his phone.

Cheating is a no for me especially when he doesn’t even give me sex and when he does is barely less than 5mins which I don’t even reach orgasm unless we use sex toy sometimes because he comes too fast and he won’t go second round. I haven’t been complaining because I love him and also I’ve always wanted my first marriage to be my last but if he’s cheating on me for sure then I don’t think it’s worth it.

I am not on any of his social media. He claims it runs relationships but I know he doesn’t want his side chicks to know he’s married. I’ve requested his severally and he has denied it.

We bought a house together and my name is not even on it because we are only married traditionally. He’s been giving excuses to go to the court for the first 2 years and I’ve stopped asking, it was COVID, then I got pregnant etc. he’s about to loose his job and I’ll be the one paying mortgage 4k + that’s why I really need to find out if he’s really cheating on me.

I feel he married me to be a good wife and a good mother to home while he goes around having fun. He wanna eat his cake and have it.