Cry release during masturbating

whenever i masturbate and i get into a flow trance state or just start feeling deeply i have to stop because of how emotional i get tears just start streaming down. i get intensely emotional because i remember the feelings attatched to an previous relationships that didnt truly care to get that deep . The pleasure is connected to that pain I guess and the way he treated me during sex his vibe was always lustful you know ! And yea sometimes I thought it was deeper but I think it was always selfish for him and my depth of feeling during sec was just more the fact I had deep feelings for him not just the sex. Has this ever happened to anyone? I don’t want to just pleasure myself quickly I like to feel and try to see it as self love. I wish I could release all but the uncomfortabiliy I feel , feels so violating I can’t continue at all