What do I do?

I’m going to start off by saying please do not shame or bully me. If you are not a person who would not have sex before getting married this probably isn’t a question for you. I am not cheating on anyone I’m not in a relationship and I’m being honest to the people involved. This does contain cursing.

So I recently connected with an old acquaintance from high school and I’ve been flirting here and there (Nothing serious I swear). But recently we’ve been talking more and I kinda like him. Or at least I think I can grow to really like him.

Side note last night we were on FaceTime and I was getting ready to sleep. Bonnet on, AD ointment on my face and sports bra clad; I was on my phone looking at myself. All I could think about is how I looked fat and I was kinda contemplating turning off my camera or taking my face off camera. And he’s looking at his phone and I think he’s doing something, like scrolling through Instagram or something. He just staring at his phone and we’re talking and outta nowhere he just says, “God you’re really beautiful,” then he stands 10 toes on his comment and he says, “you have a really beautiful face” and I said smiling and I was cheesinggg — like just straight teeth and I started to blush and I told him, “chill like if you keep complementing me I’m going to start turning red.” END OF SIDE NOTE (that was just a happy memory for context)

But the twist….

On the other hand, I’ve been hanging out with one of my cousins and his friend — and me and his friend has been hitting it off. But its sexual tension. And I know it’s sexual tension but girl I’m wound tight.

Background (a little steamy… sorry)

I’m my cousins car and I’m sitting in the back seat with (let’s call him SJ) SJ. He asks me to cornrow his hair and I say okay. But I am no styler by any means — I can barely cornrow and he knows this. So I have him lay on my lap so I can get a better angle. Dude starts talking his shit and I start talking my shit back. And it gets to the point where he stays on my lap and he pretends to sleep. But hes really kissing in my thigh and rubbing on my leg. (My cousin can’t see) Nothing happens, though I told him that if I decide to f**k him, it wouldn’t be in the back seat of a car and it would be somewhere I wasn’t in proximity of family. But ever since that night we’ve been texting, trying to link. Our conversations are spicy, and I’ve gotten to the point where the sight of his face makes me immensely wet and I throb intensely when speaking to him.

We are nearing the time where I text him to pull up, but I’m lost. This thing with the first guy is new and honestly I wanna do things differently with him. But I’m also not in a relationship and I want to do things with SJ for the one time. Would it be wrong for me to have protected sex with SJ. I don’t like lying and I would 100% tell the first guy that I was recently sexually active. But I wanna wait to have sex with the first guy. I want it to be real when we have sex. So I’m conflicted please offer advice if you can.