Potty Training

My oldest son will be 4 in November. He has absolutely no interest in using the potty. He’s used it before (both pee and poop) but not on his own. He used to ask to go pee in the potty after a bath but he’s stopped doing that now too. I’ve tried putting underwear on him or making him go without it but he completely flips out. I haven’t pressured him into potty training and having been forcing him to go. I was told not to. Now I’m wondering if he’ll ever potty train. My husband gets super frustrated with him and I’m starting to get frustrated too. Today he put some underwear on and wore them for maybe an hour before “noticing”. I thought it was progress but it turns out he had just peed in the underwear and sat in it before he started wanting a pull up. Incentives don’t work, rewards don’t work, obviously discipline doesn’t work, telling him he’d be a “big boy” or it’s what “big boys” do doesn’t work….I have another son who will be 2 in October. I somewhat believe my oldest sees him still wearing diapers and thinks he doesn’t have to either. My youngest is not ready to potty train at all. I’m totally lost and my patience is working thin…

If you’ve got some helpful hints or ideas or if you’ve been in the same boat, I’d appreciate some reassurance or help! If you’re just here to be a negative “Karen”, I’m glad you’ve got life figured out and that you’re better than me…